When I read straight shooters post on half-assed relationships, the first thought that came to my mind was: it's stating the obvious.

I mean really, unless you’re under the age of 24, you’re an idiot if you’re in a half assed relationship and don’t know it, and don’t know how to get out of it. Ladies, we all know how we behave when we’re romantically interested in another person and when we want a commitment and consideration with another person, the other sex doesn’t act drastically different when they feel the same way.

[1] We don’t need to pay Steve Harvey, or anyone else to point out the obvious, that dude we’re in a half-assed relationship with a dude who is really just not that into us. I think that most women and men in these situations are painfully aware of their reality; they are just consciously ignoring it. So for all you men and women who just can’t understand why your friend stays in a half-assed relationship when they “can do so much better,” here are SIX reasons.

*** As straight shooter noted in her post, there is a possibility that a half-assed relationship can turn into the real thing, if you confront your half-assed counterpart and express your discomfort with the situation. But lets be real, it likely won’t amount to anything serious, that’s why it’s half-assed in the first place, if your partner really wanted to be with you he’d be considerate and monogamous and/or put a label on it and make it official. So this article will proceed on the assumption that anyone in a half-assed relationship knows it will end once they call their partner on their half-assed status.***

(1) Pleasure. They don’t want to give up their bedroom buddy. We all know why men would never want to give up sex on a regular basis. They make no secret of their constant desire for intercourse (oral and/or vaginal), but we women enjoy it too, so sometimes the misery experienced when a man won’t commit pales in comparison to the misery we think we’ll experience if our half-assed relationship ends and our men are no longer stimulating our lady parts on a regular basis.

(2) Loneliness. It’s pretty self explanatory. Loneliness is not a good feeling; we want to avoid feeling that feeling. A half-assed relationship is better than no relationship?

(3) Numbers. Every single woman I know, knows her number of sexual partners. Almost every woman I know wants that number to remain as low as possible. No woman wants to feel as though they’ve wasted yet another one of their numbers on a guy that ultimately will not remain in their lives, thus they try to create a full-fledged relationship out of a half-assed relationship.

(4) Energy. Whenever anyone cares about another human being they invest a lot of time and energy into maintaining that relationship. No one wants to feel as though they wasted time and energy when a situation, that they always knew wasn’t quite right, as they expected doesn’t work out.

(5) Hope. Anyone who has ever been in a half-assed relationship knows deep down that it’s wrong to hope, that things likely won’t work out, yet most people in these relationships do it anyway. We can’t help ourselves. We secretly or outwardly hope that maybe he’ll come around. That he’ll realize how great we are and he won’t want to lose us. We think to ourselves, maybe he’s just doing the same thing I am, playing it cool so he won’t come off as too pressed or needy. Shoot, thinking of the reality of months resigned to the use of only a vibrator can keep hope alive for months!

(6) Rejection. Perhaps the most motivating feeling that keeps women in half assed relationships is fear of rejection. Like I said before generally, we know our half-assed relationships won’t work out. We know if we press for the real thing we will likely get a resounding “No!” We’d rather feel the hurt that comes with being in a relationship with someone who is not fully committed than feel the hurt of knowing that the person we care about will never want something more.

So, to anyone out there reading this blog, what are some of the reasons that you’ve stayed in half-assed relationships?
 
                    
Posted by Bourgeois

The Adventures of Captain Save a H*e

Captain Save-a-Hoe: A guy/girl who will take care of a gold digger. He/ she will pay for everything. A sucker for the girl who takes care of her even though they are not in a relationship. He will come to the girls rescue like a superhero in attempt to get some play. Synonyms: duck, simp, lame, parking lot pimp, Kobe.

Warning: This post contains rampant use of the word "hoe." My apologies if you are offended. Moving on...Lets talk about hoes.

You read the definition right. Captain save a hoe is not just a male. Captain save a hoe has an equally eager female counterpart who saves male hoes.

Fellas some of you have been, still are or have considered saving a hoe. She was a bad chick with a few problems and if you helped her out a little ya'll could live happily ever after right?
Ladies keep it 100. There's no such thing as Captain Save a Hoe if there arent any hoes to save. We're in the equation just as much as the men. Think it aint tricking if you got it? Dont let Teairra Marie fool you. Play your position.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt. We have hoes in denial about being hoes and Captains in denial about saving hoes. Turn on your antennas, even people in denial will give hints about who they really are.

Put your shoes on I'm about to step on more than a few toes. You've been warned.

Below are 6 of Captain Save-a-Hoe's most common adventures and how to get out of them.

1. He/She had a "situation" they were dealing with before ya'll met and needs your help resolving it. Said "situation" can be criminal, social or it may be at a severe level where it involves children (Read: She was pregnant when you met her). Beware of phrases like: "If you dont help me, I dont know what I'm gonna do" and "If you dont help me, I could go to jail. You dont want me to go to jail do you?"
Escape method: Ask them what would they do if they had never met you? Prompt them to do *that* then ya'll can talk. Force them to understand you are not responsible for their reckless behavior before the two of you crossed paths.

2. She looks like someone everyone has had. She's more "experienced" than the average woman.You know it. You pretend you dont. She tells you about her past life as a hoe problems and how she has dealt with men in the past and you pretend it doesnt bother you.
Escape method: Be compassionate and understand that everyone has a past. If you determine she is still a hoe her past interferes with the present then let it go. If you choose to look past her mistakes, dont go HAM when you hear men whisper "I hit that" whenever you're out in public.

3. She proudly admits to allowing men to buy her things just because she has a fat ass is pretty. She has ended relationships with men because they refused to help her financially.
Escape method: Dont buy her anything. Dont offer anything. If she is discussing previous Captains with you, she will share the things you did with the next one. Dont become another notch. Tell her you're so broke you can't pay attention.

4. His/ her friends are hoes. They claim "I'm not like them but they're my friends."
Your escape: Observe and report. It could be that there is one bad apple in the bunch or one good apple. It could also be that all of them are hoes pretending not to be. I'm gonna go with hoes of a feather flock together for $500 Alex. Make your observations and respond accordingly.

5. You met on South Beach during Memorial Day weekend. A week later he/she was in love with you and in need of a few hundred dollars.
Escape method: This is probably the same person from situations #2 & #3. Do not pass Go. Do not give them a few hundred dollars. DO delete their number and cut off all ties. Cuss if you have to.

6. He's a male hoe who wont commit. He's got hoes in different area codes. He wont give you a title. He wont introduce you to his friends but wants COD (cookies on demand). He only answers your calls after the sun goes down.

Escape Method: Listen up!
He doesnt wanna be chased.
              He doesnt wanna be tied down.
                                   He doesnt wanna be saved.
Close your legs. Put a condom over your heart and f*ck yo feelings. Guard your heart. Communicate what you want and open your eyes. Resist the urge to give an ultimatum. If the situation does not change, be prepared to walk away knowing its his loss.

The moral of the story: If you walk around waiting for somebody to save you, don't be surprised when you look up and you're alone. Save yourself. Complete yourself. Respect yourself.

Editor's note: Not all women who seek financial assistance from men are hoes. Not all men who provide financial assistance are Captains. Amber Rose is mortal.

Peep the outro.


Real is the only way to keep it family. Do you know a Captain? Were you once one? Were you in a situation where you needed a Captain? Word to Kanye. Share your adventures.

Posted by Belvedere

Home Improvements

“He completes me.”

“He is my everything.”

“I don’t know what I would do without him.”

Why do so many women depend on the validation of a man to feel complete?? You can be independent in every other aspect of your life: top of your class, great job, your own place, nice car, sex and the city wardrobe, but without the seal of approval from your man, your life is incomplete. I think Kat Williams put it best when he said “it’s called SELF-esteem, it’s the esteem of your SELF you silly snitch.”

Happiness starts at home. So ladies, it’s time to clean house and make some much needed improvements. Let’s start at the top.

- Outside Looking In – stop thinking that every negative thing your friends tells you about your man or your relationship with your man is because their jealous. “They just want what I have.” “They don’t want to see me happy.” “What do they know, they are single.” NO, they are your FRIENDS. They were there before and will most likely be there after your man and your self-esteem are gone. Sometimes we get so caught up in our relationships that we fail to see the crazy/psychotic person we have become or our lack of the ability to use our common sense.
- For You I Will…- I’m not saying that change is a bad thing, but don’t allow yourself to give up your morals or standards to please a man. Because at the end of the day, that man most likely will not be willing to do the same for you. Please believe me…
- But I’m Different – Ladies, don’t think that you are this diamond in the ruff that will magically change a man (please refer to my previous article Brick House). If he left his previous girlfriend to be with you, don’t sit up on your pedestal and think that you are too good to have the same thing done to you. “Well, it’s just me, I’m not the person he needs me to be…” (STOP and seek help. You may be entering the first stages of denial/a domestic violence relationship).
- The Road Less Traveled - Please stop using what someone else has achieved to measure your progress. Just because Becky is 25, driving an all white Range, with a condo down town, does not imply that you are failure. Just because you are still in school working on your JD, living off of student loans, and shopping at Ross don’t make you a nobody. You don’t know what Becky may have had to do to get to where she is (her name might be Becky for a reason). As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it's leaning against the right building. Sometimes those minor detours seem to provide the most valuable lessons.
- It Takes Two – Ladies, don’t take it out on the female cause YOUR man cheated. You don’t know what sweet nothings he may have been whispering in baby girl ear to make her think that her love was a one in a million. It takes two to tango!! So, before you make a fool of yourself checking who you believe to be the “side chick,” you may want to check your man, because chances are that you may just be the “jump off”.

So ladies, if you can’t look yourself in the mirror and see the beauty that is woman, without the confirmation of a man, then maybe it’s time to take your house off the market for some much needed home improvements. A man should never complete you; he should only be a compliment to that which is beautiful, smart, happy, confident, independent and WOMAN!! If his name ain’t Jesus, then there is NO reason you should be changing who you are to meet his expectations.

And let the church say AMEN…

Keep It Real Family.

Posted by: Southern Comfort

Carriers

For peace sake stop letting men convince you that you don’t want a relationship (especially when you’re secretly hoping he will come around). So you just started seeing a guy and he tells you “I’m not really looking for a relationship” OK perfect that’s cool you find him interesting so you agree and you guys have been hanging out. But hold up he then wants to do everything that indicates you are in an exclusive relationship…he even says all the sweet nothings a boyfriend usually does...so you give in and you guys play the role of the cute couple. The problem is that this is a façade, not to the two people involved but to the first person to get caught up (typically the female).

This is what I like to call “halfassness” it’s a tricky little thing and some of you probably don’t know that your relationship is suffering from this disorder...but trust me by the time you figure it out it just might be too late. True talk…. if he has not said “we are in an exclusive relationship” you are NOT in an exclusive relationship (its kinda like it’s better to get somethings in writing).

Don’t worry though there is a cure for halfassness and it can be used preemptively. If you have found yourself victim...express what you want and ask him what he wants…who knows it might work out in your favor. However, what is almost certain to happen if you play along with the façade is a rude awakening filled with tears and hurt feelings.

As a woman you will more than likely come across a carrier of halfassness and I’m not saying you can’t hang and chill with him because generally these carriers are good looking and fun to be around…but if you are prone to illness...you should keep it moving…like I said it’s tricky. But if you decide to hang or even date a carrier you should tread lightly; never giving into the head beat. Your best bet against halfassness is to walk the hell on….

I have to say there are times when someone can start dating you with no intention of getting into an exclusive relationship and that turned on its head. BUT the fact that you’re in an exclusive relationship should not be an assumption, but a conversation.

I’m just saying…men will never appreciate the one woman or none rule, unless the cure for halfassness reaches the masses. Do your part.. don’t put up with a half commitment from anyone you don’t deserve it.

Thoughts?
                      

Poster by Straight Shooter

The Downfall of a Brother is His Mother

Single black women head 67% of African American households so it should come as no surprise that the downfall of a brother is his mother….

I’ve met a lot of guys in my day who swear that the women of today’s society absolutely don’t compare to their mother. For the most part they believe that their ideal women should be attractive, she washes his clothes, cleans after him, she’s his favorite chef, she’s smart, she listens, is his biggest cheerleader, is patient, understanding, self sufficient…..I could literally go on forever! Too much of a good thing eventually goes bad, so while all of this may sound good, it definitely comes at a price.

When a man grows up in a single parent household with his mother, instinctively she becomes very protective in order to shield him from the pitfalls of society as well as help him avoid the mistakes she made. Seeing this behavior, the guy naturally believes that his significant other should be just as supportive as his mother, just as caring as his mother, just as understanding as his mother, and just as attentive as his mother. So the basis of a good woman becomes his mother and everything short of his mother, well let’s just say…..she will never be more than a “friend.”

I am not saying that a woman in a relationship should not be supportive, caring or understanding, but as a man what are you doing, are you really worth it, what role does your mother play in your relationship? Your mother is your mother and I am not your mother. Far too often in today’s society men have become extremely reliant on the love and adoration woman give so easily and they don’t reciprocate this back to their woman. I think that if you want to be treated as special as your mother treats you, then you should go home to her. The lack of a serious male role model has taken its toll on far too many men because they don’t understand how to properly value and appreciate a woman.

I applaud all woman that are courageous enough to play both the role of mother and father, however I think that a woman is never fully equipped to train a man to be a man, there are just some things that only a man can teach a man. The female influence being imposed on a man during his formative years leaves him at a disadvantage particularly when it comes to relationship.

I understand not every guy raised in a single parent home by his mother fits this profile but it’s definitely a growing epidemic, the downfall of a brother……

Thoughts?

Guest Blogger Friday's

Post was written by: Complicated Melody

I Want The Money, Cars, Clothes … The Hoes.

OK. No this is not a post lamenting on the negative message behind Drake’s track, “Successful.” And no, I don’t want the money, cars, clothes (wait, actually I do want clothes… lots of clothes!), and hoes… this post is about women’s desire to “have it all, “what exactly “it all” is, and what we women give up in the process of attaining “it all.”

I’ve always believed having it all included having a successful career, a husband, kids, a nice house, and annual vacations to exotic locales. I’ve grown up with the conception that I’d have anything and everything I desired when I got older. I had my mother and her girlfriends as examples after all, and they had all of the things that I’ve always envisioned made up a complete life; careers, husbands, good kids, and nice houses. It’s only since I’ve grown older that I’ve realized that there are many sacrifices and compromises made in the effort to attain “it all.”

Women are often forced to choose between advancing in their careers and having children. If they do choose to do both, Grandparents or Nannies often take over the role traditionally played by mothers. They miss dinners, practices, meetings with teachers, and games, in their efforts to climb the corporate ladder. If working mothers choose to be with their children instead of working those late nights and weekends they will inevitably hit the glass ceiling that prevents so many women from advancing past positions as mid-level managers in corporations to obtain positions as heads of entire departments.

And what about women’s relationships with their spouses. I attend graduate school and almost every female professor at my school is divorced. Some have experienced multiple failed marriages. It seems as though having a successful career is not conducive to having a successful relationship.

Looking at my own generation, I can think of only 3 friends that are currently in healthy, happy relationships. That’s 3 women out of maybe 20 or so that I keep in regular contact with. A good number of my girlfriends say they don’t desire either a husband or children or both, and sometimes I feel as though I shouldn’t desire those things either if I’m going to achieve success in my chosen career.

Anyhow, all of my rambling leads to a few questions for you guys… Basically I’m wondering if a) what exactly is your definition of having everything and b) do you all think a woman can ever truly have everything?

Posted by Bourgeois

The Decline of Decency

"It takes a village to raise a child."

-African Proverb

Growing up in the 80s and 90s I was taught that it was wise to respect everyone in your community. Further, your reputation and the reputation of your family will precede you so you should behave accordingly. This meant that when your parents were not around, the community stepped forward to enforce home training. If your parents were lax in their home training there was always someone there to keep you in line. Girls were corrected when caught behaving "unladylike" and boys were straightened when they got out of line.

Need examples? Here are 5 things considered "unladylike":
1. Showing your undies. I can live in pure bliss not knowing whether you chose to go with a thong, boyshorts, or granny panties to match your red bra. No really, I can.
2. Getting so drunk in public that your friends have to literally carry you your big a$$ to the car. We don't drink, we sip. This also encompasses a restraint on vomiting in public and knowing when enough is enough.
3. Walking barefoot. I don’t care how bad your feet hurt, NEVER under any circumstances are your bare feet to touch the pavement unless you are on the beach. 
4. Being heard calling yourself a Barbie before you are seen. Ladies are to be seen and not heard. Ladies don’t argue in public, especially with another woman over a situation wherein they recently discovered they share a man.
5. Sharing your personal business with everybody. Ladies dont kiss and tell everyone. Its nobody's business keep your h*e tendencies to yourself or you can't complain when people start putting you in the suspect h*e category and your friend's wont trust you alone with their men more than 5 seconds.

"Children learn about the nature of the world from their family. They learn about power and about justice, about peace and about compassion within the family. Whether we oppress or liberate our children in our relationships with them will determine whether they grow up to oppress and be oppressed or to liberate and be liberated" -Desmond Tutu

At what point does THIS little girl grow up and compete in things like THIS(Warning: NSFW!!)? No disrespect to the women in the latter video, but I'm just sayin.

I remember my great-grandmother telling me about how little girls could not show their knees in their dresses. The worst they worried about in high school was a boy running up and touching their butts. Gas was $0.13/gallon and children with $1 bills were ballers. They could not play outside if they wore a dress and they were not allowed to go out alone with boys unless they came inside to speak to her father first. This tradition is still alive and well in my family. This leads me to...

5 things a gentlemen should DO:
1. If you see a woman 5 steps behind you or struggling with groceries, show your pearly whites and politely offer to help her. If she declines and proceeds to make a fool of herself by dropping everything, then that’s her problem. You will receive good karma coins just for offering.
2. Men are well-mannered and polite to parents. This is true for my parents, your parents, his parents and her parents. Men respect their elders. Men respect the fathers of their women. 
3. Men take care of their children. Only cowards abandon their responsibilities.#TeamDadCamp
4. Men wear their pants on their waste. I'm not asking you to walk around with deodorant on your belt, but I don’t care to know whether you chose boxers or briefs today. Besides, you look like a fool with your pants on the ground!
5. Men take pride in their hygiene. If you have a unibrow, don’t be ashamed to get it waxed. Get regular pedicures and manicures. Wash your hair and take regular showers. I'm not asking you to wear pink or use a loofah, but put some effort into the way you look.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Pr 22:6)

Flashback: I once agreed to go out on a date with a guy who decided he would blow the horn and sit outside in his car. My father walked outside to wave him in. The poor fella called me to ask me to come outside. My father asked me to invite him in. When the guy refused the invitation, I told him how disrespectful he was and canceled our date. It was his loss. This may seem a little extreme but respect runs deep. If my father wants to have a conversation with you before you take his only daughter out on a date, I expect you to oblige. If you cannot respect my father, then I will not reward you with my time. This is true in my 20s and this will be true in my 30s, 40s and for as long as the lord blesses me with my father's life. Moving on...

A quick trip on the metro system showed me just how different times are. I sat next to a woman who was no younger than 80. To my left was a group of 6 middle school students engaging in the following debauchery:
Student #1: Listening to her iPod and rapping obnoxiously the Nicki Minaj verse of "my chick bad".
Student #2: Telling student # 3 about her tattoo ambitions which involve a "Barbie" tattoo on her neck and the name of her "future baby daddy" Carl on her thigh with a panther.
Student #3: Listening intently and giving feedback to student #2. She is wearing a mini skirt. Her underwear seem to be more of an accessory than an undergarment.
Student #4: Feeling up student #5's mini skirt.
Student #5: Making it visually apparent that she is enjoying being felt up in public
Student #6: Cursing loudly and harassing random yt people asking them if they like his braids. To my amazement, he leaned down and asked several people to touch them. He was serious. 

I was afraid for the children. At first I thought the older woman would scold them and tell them to stop acting like hoodlums. She never said a word. We shared a *look* and that was the end. I tried to imagine what I was like when I was their age. I wanted to apologize for their behaviors. I wanted to tell them to stop. I did neither. I felt like I failed the village. I exited the train shocked an appalled at their behaviors and at my lack of a reaction. I wondered if it was a sign of the times? Has our society gone down the drain? Is this behavior normal for middle school kids? Does the village still exist?


What say you people of TWW? Is there a decline of decency in our society?

The carpet is yours...

Posted by Belvedere

Brick House

5 Bedrooms, 4.5 Baths

Huge Walk-In Closets

Fully Furnished

Wrap Around Deck
 2 Car Garage
Located in a Suburban Neighborhood


Sounds like the ideal house right, even if you’re ready to buy and sign on the dotted line, it means nothing if the seller isn’t ready to sell. No matter how much you paint, change or remodel the ins and outs of this home, at the end of the day it’s still a brick house.

Well, a brick house is kind of like a man. No matter how much you have to offer and no matter how much you’re willing to invest on improvements, if a man is not ready to settle down and welcome you into his castle, then you can’t force him.

Let me set-up the typical scenario: The Investment

You helped him through school- driving him to and from class, buying him food, cooking for him, helping him with his homework, being his academic counselor/advisor/tutor, etc.

You helped him get his job- motivating him before interviews, soliciting the prayer warriors, editing his resume, picking out his suit, helping him network.

You introduced him to the finer things in life- traveling, fine dining, lounges, clothing other than basketball shorts and t-shirts.

You introduced him to your family, helped him get his own place and decorate it, helped him organize his finance, and I could go on and on.

Finally, after all this, when you decide that it’s time to take things to the next level he decides that he is not ready for a serious relationship. This usually comes as a shock and requires you to play Beyoncé’s “Ring the Alarm” or “Irreplaceable”, but otherwise it’s on to the next one. A few months later you hear that he is getting married to this chick he met two days ago, who wouldn’t have given him the time of day before your investment accrued.

And why does it have to be like this you ask? He’s a MAN. I have learned that no matter how perfect you may be for a man, if he’s not ready to settle down and make you his queen, you can’t force him. When a man gets to that mature stage in his life, where he is ready to leave his single ways behind, whoever is there at that point in time, will usually get him. She doesn’t have to be the smartest or the prettiest, she just has to be there.

So ladies, no matter how much you try to change a BRICK HOUSE, at the end of the day it’s just that, a BRICK HOUSE. A man will settle down when he’s ready!! So, until that time don’t settle for less, and show that man what he missed when he passed over your bid. Hell, start finding some investors for your own personal mansion. LOL.


Keep it Real Family…

posted by Southern Comfort

Moving On.....Knowing When a Relationship is Over

One of the more difficult decisions women and men face in relationships is knowing when to call it quits. Not to say it's always hard to leave a relationship, but after hitting the 1 to 2 year mark most people tend to get that "invested interest" feeling. There are people who feel like they have invested so much of their time and energy in their relationship that even the most well planned exit strategy won't make them jump ship. Here are two subtle signs that it my be time to move on:

1. Number one and most important YOUR HAPPINESS. Your happiness is yours and should be shielded and protected. Too many people take their happiness for granted, especially when it affects most everything in life. Man or Woman if your significant other is not making you happy, by continuously disregarding your needs withing the relationship; it is time to Move On.

Seriously, life is too short ( I know it's cliche..but no less true) to stay with someone hoping the happiness you once shared returns. To be clear, there are instances when a conversation with your boo can clear up feelings of unhappiness within the relationship....leading us to reason number two

2. No effort to change. When you communicate to your partner about the problem and he/she agrees to try to correct the issue great! forgive and move on. However, if the problem continues and you talk and forgive a couple times and the problem continues; it's time for you to make a decision for YOU. Sometimes what you think is a problem your partner may not; and that's fine...but if your actions are hurting the person you're in a relationship there is a serious issue. If you're in that situation don't hassle your partner into changing if he/she doesn't want to..it just maybe time for you to Move On.

Entering a relationship shouldn't be done lightly because to ensure a successful relationship, selflessness is a requirement. Generally, the feeling of love or infatuation helps with the selflessness aspect of the relationship...so when a person no longer cares enough or just wants to keep a certain part of their behavior don't look down on or harass them. If your partner's behavior is not something you can accept it's just time to Move On.

Other reasons include the obvious:
Abuse (physical or emotional)
Not supporting your shoe habit
Disrespect

I'm just saying: Deep down (might not be that deep) you can feel when it's time....Listen.

I'm sure there are other signs..let me know

 

Posted by Straight Shooter

He Defines Me...

I can't live without him... I am lost without him...I am not unhappy unless I am in a relationship...I don't feel complete unless I have a man! These statements represent ideas convey by women who feel they need a man to define them.

In recent conversations with my girlfriends, I have come to the consensus that some women feel the need that they must have man even if that guy ranks high on the loser totem pole. Understandably, having a man and being in a fulfilling relationship is a great thing but to what extent do we achieve this?

In my opinion a man should in no form or fashion define who we are as women. To add insult to injury society puts a lot of emphasis on women who are either married, engaged or in a relationship! To be single is almost taboo! When we are without a a man... do we become less that or amount to nothing! A resounding no! We are beautiful, smart,caring and exquisite beings! We don't want to settle and fall for the first loser just to appease that need to be with someone. Men should add to us and be an asset instead of a liability. Lets find out our true worth so we can be the best and have the best cause that's what we truly deserve.Here are some key symptoms of "he defines me syndrome"

1. When you change plans quick and when he wants to see you.

2. We sit and control our schedule around theirs.

3. When they in a bad mood..we are in one too and everyone around us feel the effects

4. Loss of independence...we start living their lives.

5. We subject and compromised ourselves to be their light switch and yo yo..

6. We look at our phones every two seconds to hope we have a text....

Do you have " he defines me syndrome"?

Guest Blogger Fridays

Que Será Será

Status: The relative position or standing of things or especially persons in a

society.

In 2010 status is not enough. Oh you didn't know? We need something to symbolically represent our economic or social status. We need status symbols. We drive big cars, own big houses, get courtside seats for game 7 and add titles behind our name. Theses external denotations of one's social position are what many work tirelessly to secure.

"There is a strange race of people described as spending their lives doing things they detest, to make money they don’t want, to buy things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t like."
~ Emile Henry Gauvreau

Meet June. She is a strong 9, possible 10. She is single and has a B.A in Management. She has been labelled "the pretty one." June does not have many standards for her men but she does require “a nice car” and a few economic assets. Now I aint saying she a gold digger, but she aint messing with no broke ninjas. June meets a professional athlete at a sports bar and is immediately intrigued by his swagger. Her level of intrigue grows when he mentions his status as a professional football player. June insists she is attracted to men who have the ability to "take care of her" and not their money, cars, clothes or h*es. Word to T.I. June loves sports and comes from a family of many athletes so she knows many athletes but that is strictly a coincidence. She keeps up with stats and can have a decent conversation with even the most die-hard fans about any team in the league. June and the athlete exchange numbers and the rest is history.

Meet July. She is also a strong 9, possible 10 and is June's twin sister. She is also single and has a B.A in Finance. She has been labelled "the smart/ambitious one" and considers herself an independent woman. She spends her time working towards her master's. She is ambitious and the epitome of an overachiever. July meets a gentleman at the same bar who happens to be a PhD student. She is elated because her standards require her man to have a 4 year degree or better. July has only dated men in academia whom she has deemed her "intellectual equal." She has dismissed men who admit to dropping out of college to pursue other interests. She is attracted to said gentleman but is more intrigued when she learns of his status as a PhD student. They chat for hours on end. July and. Mr. PhD exchange numbers and the rest is history.

Note: This does not imply that ambitious women like July cannot be a reformed or more subtle version of June. Nor does it imply that the male version of June and July do not exist. Keep your eyes open.

I wont ask you to admit whether you are June or July because a little piece of them is inside most women. Don’t act like its just me. Dont act like you have never lusted after a celebrity. I’m Belvedere. That means you can keep it real with me even when you’re lying to yourself. Don’t get it twisted, I’m dont want a man who will ask me to call him daddy (thats the nastiest sh*t in the milky way galaxy) but I do pray for a man who is financially and mentally stable enough such that we can enjoy life comfortably. BUT I refuse to settle for any less than my reasonable standards so I am prepared like Rick Ross to hustle everyday and take care of myself 100%. I can do bad all by myself. There is a menacingly thin line between worrying about your future and only staying with someone for their resources.
Before you pass judgment some of you already have, remember there are women with several degrees who refuse to even have lunch with (let alone date) a respectable, loving, well-read sanitation engineer, because she has deemed him below her level. On the other hand, you have men like Slim Thugg who tragically believe their two cents is worth more than that and decide to apply his blanket generalizations about women based on the ‘rats he has gotten fleas from. But I digress.

My experiences have led me to believe our preferences are just another excuse to date someone because of their status. This goes for Mr. a$$ man as much as it goes for Mrs. "I only date black men." The list also encompasses Mrs. "I only date athletes" as much as it includes Mrs. "I wont date you because you drive a 95 Accord in 2010." Mr. "I only date women who remind me of my mother" is also on said list. *side eye* We are all entitled to have our standards but where do we draw the line between rediculous and rational? After we sort through all the cowsh*t excuses, its all preferences and generalizations. Maybe the "have-nots (as in I have-not the things to attract a quality spouse)" are the only ones complaining.

Look, I'm not asking you to live a subservient lifestyle. Nor am I asking you to bash gold diggers. If gold diggers are your cup o tea, then sip til you reach the bottom of the cup. What you eat doesnt make me poop. If it walks, talks and acts like a gold digger then I say milk him/her and let him/her milk you. Does that mean get caught up in the hype? Heck no. Dont go into debt, ruin your relationships, risk your health with surgical enhancements or lose yourself trying to attract people who see you as dispensable.

What is the difference between June and July? Is there a difference? Is a woman who dates a man for his status as a professional athlete really different from a woman who dates a man because of his academic credentials or his car or his shoes??

“To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there.”~ Kofi Annan

Whats your status? Do you have a problem with someone who wants to date you solely because of what you have? For the fellas do you tend to attract a June or a July or a mixture of both?

Inquiring minds want to know.

...and so it was written.

















Posted by Belvedere

Hood Rich: Champagne Dreams on a Shoestring Budget

 Got a quarter tank of gas 

In my new E Class

  But that’s alright

 Cause I’m gone shine

  Got everything

  In my mama name

    But I’m hood rich

   La-da-da

Translation (for those not so urban): Projecting an image of success or power that you really have not attained by showing off material goods such as cars or houses in an effort to impress those around you. Sacrificing things you NEED in order to afford/or at least look like you can afford the things you WANT.

Trust me when I tell you, that if you don’t know anyone in your life living HOOD RICH read a little further and partake in this family reunion.

Welfare Queens - These are the “professional mothers” who pump out kids in order to reap the public benefit that is, government assistance. You know the ones who depend on food stamps, Medicare/medicaide, child care placement and HUD (Section-8 housing) to provide for their families. You have probably seen these queens in the grocery store buying crab legs and shrimp, or maybe even trying to sell you their food stamps in exchange for cash-in-hand.

Child Support Fiends- You know the ones that come to court in their Forever 21 suits talking about how they are struggling just to make, when in actuality they are a welfare queen. They are the ones who are always talking about how no good their baby father is and stay posted at the mailbox to insure that they receive their child support check on time. “Well, it’s for the betterment of the child.” In some cases yes, but what about those individuals out there who stay with their nails and hair done, while their kids walk around looking like they came straight out of one of those Feed the Children commercials.

Diddy Boppin Reject- These are the brothers who are popping Rosé in the club, only to go home to an empty apartment with a mattress on the floor. You know the ones ladies, talk a big game about how he can do this for you and take you there, but this fool ain’t ever been out the state. The ones with the glass, wannabe diamond, necklaces that have to wait for their partner to get off work before they can go anywhere. The one with the nice car that he can’t park at his house because the repo man is lurking.

While some people may read this and think “how can people live like this?” Don’t get it twisted, living hood rich is an art. And for those of you who are still confused as to whether you are living hood rich, here are a couple of signs.

How to know if you are living HOOD RICH:

1. You throw your child a 1st birthday party that looks more like an adult cookout with liquor, ribs, dominos and spades. Your child just started teething; he ain’t biting into any half rack of ribs.

2. You car payment is more than your rent.

3. You take out student loans, not to pay for tuition, but to put speakers in your new car.

4. Your new lace front wig is paid for, but your babies Christmas is on lay-a-way.

5. All your bills are in the kids names. Let’s be real, their credit is better than yours.

These are only a few examples. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Keep it Real Family,

Disclaimer: While this article does discuss the hood rich lifestyle of a few individuals I have run into during my years here on earth, it is not an encompassing view of women or men receiving public assistance or child support.

Posted by Southern Comfort

What's a girl to do?!?!?

“A beautiful woman with a great head on her shoulders shouldn’t settle, but should also be smart enough to know a good man when she sees one. . . . There are some very good men out there that will be the man you want him to be if you give him a chance.”

Above was a comment I came across while reading a post from one of my favorite blogs. The comment was in response to a post about attractive women with ugly girl syndrome (attractive women who stay with dudes that treat them badly because they don’t want to be lonely). Can I just say that I’m so sick of men saying this shit to counter women’s argument that men are assholes. My observation: the only reason any man is a “very good man” is because he is a very ugly man. If he wasn’t very ugly he wouldn’t be very good. Shit, even some of the very ugly men have developed the asshole syndrome that runs rampant amongst that other sex.

I know a couple, girl is cute, guy not so much, yet every time the girl turns her back the guy goes astray. All the while I’m thinking, what the hell is wrong with him? He’s lucky he even bagged her, now he’s trying to score a side piece too??? I know that you all know that couple too.

Anyway, all of this is to say, if I were to give that very good man a chance I’d be doing exactly what I know I shouldn’t . . . settling. Why should my options be limited to an asshole or some guy I’m not attracted to who kind of makes my skin crawl when he touches me.

Men, act appropriately, don’t be an asshole and there will be no need for me to be lonely or settle.
OK vent over. Anyhow, what do you think, are men only very good when they are very ugly?

Posted by Bourgeois

Tread Lightly?...Are women as emotional as men claim?

Let me be the first to say that us ladies are more emotional than our male counterparts (and we wouldn't want it any other way). With that said, lets be real...the emotional tendencies of a woman are one of the many reasons most men can't get enough. Let me clarify.. ladies have you ever been at work, school, on the bus, on the toilet (damn near anywhere) and based simply on a mental flash of your mans smile you decide to please/cook/buy him something you know he will love? What could be more emotional than this common practice among women. When it comes down to it... women are emotional beings and whether men know it or not they love us because of it.

WOMEN are EMOTIONAL beings, and more often than not our actions are based on our emotions. When men refer to women as emotional or overly emotional, they are generally referring to irrational behavior...i.e bleaching his clothing or his beloved Jordan collection. Now ladies when you get past a certain age you no longer get the pass for destroying someone else's property and still get to call yourself grown.

Although I agree that women are emotional (I'll give it to ya fellas) truth be told most people don't react with out cause. So the question then becomes; what happened to bring about this "emotional" behavior? Nothing sets a woman in a relationship off more than unreturned phone calls, mystery calls by unknown women, and of course cheating (everyone's favorite). A convo between my girlfriend and her ex went a little like this:

Girl: babe who is Nicky?
Guy: just some girl
Girl: why is she calling at 2am?
Guy: Damn..I don't know, i can't control other people..why you trippin?
Girl: What gave her the idea that it was okay call at 2 in the morning?
Guy: I don't have time for this.

I'm just saying, call a spade a spade; if you're gonna show your face don't expect peace in the relationship. It seems a woman is only overly emotional when she is calling a man out on his sketchy behavior..but when she is shopping and picks out a shirt for you, makes your favorite food, or does that "special" thing you love...just because you said something sweet the other day, that is not emotional.

Both men and women act on their emotions but it goes back to Newton's law of motion "every action has an equal and opposite reaction." In a relationship (no matter the label) your actions affect the person you're with.

I'm just saying: Act Appropriately

So what do you think are women as emotional as men claim? Sharing is caring :)

Posted by Straight Shooter