Captain Save-a-Hoe: A guy/girl who will take care of a gold digger. He/ she will pay for everything. A sucker for the girl who takes care of her even though they are not in a relationship. He will come to the girls rescue like a superhero in attempt to get some play. Synonyms: duck, simp, lame, parking lot pimp, Kobe.
Warning: This post contains rampant use of the word "hoe." My apologies if you are offended. Moving on...Lets talk about hoes.
You read the definition right. Captain save a hoe is not just a male. Captain save a hoe has an equally eager female counterpart who saves male hoes.
Fellas some of you have been, still are or have considered saving a hoe. She was a bad chick with a few problems and if you helped her out a little ya'll could live happily ever after right?
Ladies keep it 100. There's no such thing as Captain Save a Hoe if there arent any hoes to save. We're in the equation just as much as the men. Think it aint tricking if you got it? Dont let Teairra Marie fool you. Play your position.
Denial is not just a river in Egypt. We have hoes in denial about being hoes and Captains in denial about saving hoes. Turn on your antennas, even people in denial will give hints about who they really are.
Put your shoes on I'm about to step on more than a few toes. You've been warned.
Below are 6 of Captain Save-a-Hoe's most common adventures and how to get out of them.
1. He/She had a "situation" they were dealing with before ya'll met and needs your help resolving it. Said "situation" can be criminal, social or it may be at a severe level where it involves children (Read: She was pregnant when you met her). Beware of phrases like: "If you dont help me, I dont know what I'm gonna do" and "If you dont help me, I could go to jail. You dont want me to go to jail do you?"
Escape method: Ask them what would they do if they had never met you? Prompt them to do *that* then ya'll can talk. Force them to understand you are not responsible for their reckless behavior before the two of you crossed paths.
2. She looks like someone everyone has had. She's more "experienced" than the average woman.You know it. You pretend you dont. She tells you about her
Escape method: Be compassionate and understand that everyone has a past. If you determine
3. She proudly admits to allowing men to buy her things just because she
Escape method: Dont buy her anything. Dont offer anything. If she is discussing previous Captains with you, she will share the things you did with the next one. Dont become another notch. Tell her you're so broke you can't pay attention.
4. His/ her friends are hoes. They claim "I'm not like them but they're my friends."
Your escape: Observe and report. It could be that there is one bad apple in the bunch or one good apple. It could also be that all of them are hoes pretending not to be. I'm gonna go with hoes of a feather flock together for $500 Alex. Make your observations and respond accordingly.
5. You met on South Beach during Memorial Day weekend. A week later he/she was in love with you and in need of a few hundred dollars.
Escape method: This is probably the same person from situations #2 & #3. Do not pass Go. Do not give them a few hundred dollars. DO delete their number and cut off all ties. Cuss if you have to.
6. He's a male hoe who wont commit. He's got hoes in different area codes. He wont give you a title. He wont introduce you to his friends but wants COD (cookies on demand). He only answers your calls after the sun goes down.
Escape Method: Listen up!
He doesnt wanna be chased.
He doesnt wanna be tied down.
He doesnt wanna be saved.
Close your legs.
The moral of the story: If you walk around waiting for somebody to save you, don't be surprised when you look up and you're alone. Save yourself. Complete yourself. Respect yourself.
Editor's note: Not all women who seek financial assistance from men are hoes. Not all men who provide financial assistance are Captains. Amber Rose is mortal.
Peep the outro.
Real is the only way to keep it family. Do you know a Captain? Were you once one? Were you in a situation where you needed a Captain? Word to Kanye. Share your adventures.
Posted by Belvedere
Hilarious and true! This was a great read, it had me laughing and thinking. I realized that I knew a hoe, had to cut ties with that person. It currently appears that they are in Recovery, let's hope it's for real. I also knew a "ManWhore" (this is worse than a male hoe) said "ManWhore" or MW hated being referred to as what he is. What separates the MW from the MH(male hoe) is that the "ManWhore" has far more mental issues. Let hope that this will help both Hoe and Captain find freedom. Kudos to you Belvedere!
ReplyDelete*waves* @PrincessBonita Welcome!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you dropping knowledge about the difference between a MW and a MH. My my what a tangled web they weave! Recovery is the toughest stage for MHs, MWs, Captains and hoes. Glad you used your scissors and cut ties.
Preciate the love.