Guest Blogger Fridays

The THREE F's

The formula: Feed Me + Freak Me + Leave Me The Freak Leave = A Happy man

I keep up with this blog and agree with most of the subject matters posed by the contributors. Yea, some men use women for just the sex, while running game, and dangling the carrot of the casual hook situation leading to a relationship. 

True. Some men don’t like to confirm relationships and prefer to keep women in the quagmire of the “Untitled Relationship.” 

Yea, some men exploit the young, the old and the wayward of woman but avoid the strong, independent and successful sister that will challenge him and potentially elevate him to be who God intended him to be. No doubt. 

But I find with age, some men develop and begin to want lasting relationships with women beyond the “Casual Hook Situation” or “Untitled Relationship.” Especially if the man finds “A Woman” (See my last post for a detailed description of “A Woman”). 

I will admit that there are some men who despite age and upper nobility decide that they want nothing more than a “Casual Hook Situation” or “Untitled Relationship.” That’s a fact. Fact is each man has to determine for himself the type of destiny he wants. And honestly, I don’t feel remorse for a woman who is continuously burned by this type of man. Humans are designed by nature to adapt.

Now say the woman learns from her past experiences and is now able to identify a man who has moved beyond the days of “Casual Hook Ups” and “Untitled Relationships.” The man and the woman are now in a position to have something real.  What does she now need to know about men to help make the relationship thrive?

From reading past entries on this blog, I started getting the impression that men are complex like Trigonometry or Physics. The fact of the matter is we are more like addition and biology. If you don’t believe me ask your Grandmother, Mother, Aunt or Grandaunt what formula she used to keep her man. I guarantee you the formula is the same across the board. (Note: If none of the women in your family have been able to keep a man, please save your time and ask a neighbor.) 

Have you asked yet? I’ll give you some time. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……………………………………………………………………..

…Okay, I’ll let you in on the secret. The formula is Feed ‘Em, Freak ‘Em and Leave ‘Em the Freak Alone. That equals a happy man. Simple enough, huh? 

Well, let me explain what goes wrong. 

Feed ‘Em

I know what you are thinking… It’s 2010 not 1950, right? Chances are, professionally you are just as successful as your mate, if not more successful than your mate. 

…And you say, “I still have to cook?” 

My reply is, “Have you ever heard the old adage? 

It says something like "the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” 

You are seeking entry into his heart right? Well, I’ll answer your question with a question. Do you have to cook?

By no means am I telling you to cook for a sorry joker who isn’t serious about a relationship. Doing special things for this guy won’t help your cause at all. It will only cause your self esteem to plummet to levels lower than the current Dow Jones. Going on. 

Freak ‘Em

Again, Don’t waste your good tricks on a guy that isn’t serious about you. Save them for the guy who has demonstrated to you that he is playing for keeps. Freaking ‘Em includes sex but isn’t limited to sex. Freaking ‘Em also includes intimacy or the shoulder rub, the dandruff scratch, the twisted dreads, and the kind-reassuring words a woman can say to make a man feel like a champ.

This fails when a woman withholds affection. No man will deal with an icy woman.   

Leave ‘Em the Freak Alone

Lastly but most importantly, if women become good at nothing else, be good at knowing when to leave a man alone. Know when to cut the venting short. Know when to drop a sensitive subject. Know how to chill when the game is on. Leaving a man alone also includes creating and maintaining the inviting/approachable/calm/cool/agreeable atmosphere. The type of atmosphere a man wants to be in. 

When a woman nags or rides a man the relationship will never work. If you’re a nag...Please. Stop. Now. 

What do you think of the 3F’s? What are some of the things a man has to do for woman to be happy in a relationship? Your comments are appreciated.    

Posted by Kool Kustomer 

Bear with me...

I'm working on a few projects this week. Posting will resume on Wednesday. I apologize about any inconvenience.

Football did it...are YOU ready??

Football season started last night. Lets just say I got caught up in watching the game. Life happens. Playas f*ck up. You should forgive me. In the mean time, I encourage all ladies to visit NFL.com, google football basics and get prepared to be ignored until the game and the post-game show are over. 


For those of you who still dont know how to act when football season starts, here are a few tips: 
Do not get upset with him for not paying attention to you. 
Do not try to talk to him during the game unless you're naked or dressed in see thru lace. 
Do not EVER under any circumstances throw your bish fits during the game. 
Do not complain when he cheers or yells at the TV. 
Do not question why he yells at the TV.
Do not walk in front of the TV. Save it all for the halftime show. 
Do not ask him to go on dates on football nights.
If you REALLY love him, you will fix him snacks and tell him its ok to invite his friends over to watch the game. 
If you do not understand the game, google what you dont know. Do not attempt to hold a conversation or ask 100 questions about why the quarterback took so long to throw the ball or why they hit each other so hard. 


Between NFL.com, ESPN and your man you should take this opportunity to learn about the greatest sport on earth!! If you dont have a man, learn common football terms and tune in to the game long enough to converse comfortably about the game. Sports is always a great way to break the ice. 


Since I still encounter females with no basic knowledge of football (baffles me every time), Belvedere is going to help you out with a few football basics: 


1. The Schedule: The 2010 NFL Schedule includes a sixteen-game National Football League regular season schedule, spread out over seventeen weeks from NFL Kickoff on the second Thursday in Septemberthrough the first Sunday in January of 2011. The season will culminate in the playing ofSuper Bowl XLV on February 6, 2011, at Dallas Cowboys Stadium.


2. The Scores: There are basically five different ways to score points in football: a touchdown, a field goal, a safety, a two-point conversion, and an extra point. The most valuable scoring play in football is the touchdown, which is worth six points. Read more here. Check here for the scores from Week 1.  How about those Saints?? 


3. The history. Wikipedia is lending a helping hand on this one. Click here. 


4. The Teams: There are 32 teams in the NFL. Click here for a full list of the teams. 


5. The Schedule. Check here for the 2010 schedule.




Belvedere hopes this helps!  




Peace. 

Opposite day: 3 things MEN do that Women should START doing

Many of us been in the situation where we felt like our love and commitment weren’t being reciprocated. At first everything was cool but then something started to feel different. His kisses weren’t as soft. Her willingness to spend time with you declined. He became more shady than a Florida palm tree. She became more questionable than a free seat on the metro next to a man having a conversation with himself.

Pull up a chair.

1. Flipping 101. Have you ever been in an argument and walked away disappointed in yourself? Have you ever asked him a question and you end up questioning yourself? Have you ever started a series of questions and before you know it he's giving you the 3rd degree? Wondering how this happened? *This* ladies and gentlemen is the result of “flipping the situation 101.” It is a talent many cheaters and "smooth operators" possess as a deflector from their f*ck ups. They turn the situation to play on your insecurities with below the belt comments that make you question your reasons for questioning them. Either way, you walk away from confrontations without answers and unable to shake your suspicions. Need an example? Belvedere is here to help. 
Scene: Guys phone vibrates at 1am. Girl is laying next to him in bed and is awakened by the vibrations.
Her: Who is that calling your phone at 1am?
Him: Thats nobody baby. I didnt answer because its a nobody. You're the only somebody that matters.
*soft kisses*
Her: *Forgets about the phone calls and returns to dreamland*

If women could master flipping a situation 101, straddling and crying at the drop of a hat, we could assume our rightful place as rulers of the free world. Inception.

2. Set boundaries and stick to them. In your first convo he says he doesnt like kissing. He says he's not romantic and he doesnt celebrate Valentine's Day. Women make the mistake of thinking we can change this. We can't. The truth is that he can be Romeo and that he has celebrated Valentine's day every year but he has decided he doesnt want that type of relationship with you.  Men exercise their right to have reservations about what they are willing to do. What does this mean for women? When St. Valentine sends cupid our way on February 14 our gift basket is empty. Better yet, when he doesnt plan anything special on V-Day we dare not complain. Why? When we complain, he reminds us of the convo when he told us he didnt celebrate V-Day.  When her friends ask what she got she responds "we dont celebrate Valentine's Day."  Women need to do the same thing. If you dont spread em on the first date, tell him that and stick to your rules. Make your boundaries clear so there is no room for discussion or persuasion. If he doesnt respond accordingly strap up your combat boots and kick his a$$ to the curb.

3. Categorize people.We all put people into categories without thinking. We look at others to determine things like: male/female; black/white/brown/gray; attractive/unattractive/Jesus hates your parents; etc. I regret to admit men are better at this than women. Although we have mastered what it means to put men in the "friend" category, we have not mastered much else. Men place women in categories to determine how they will treat us. In a perfect world all men would respect all women, but we dont live in a perfect world. We live in a world where a preacher wants to burn Korans. I digress. They characterize us as heauxxs, smuts, real women and then theres the coveted "wifey material" label. If he has decided you are nothing more than a heauxx you will be treated as such. The same goes for the other labels.  If we developed more labels for men, we could save ourselves a lot more heart ache.

(Insert critical thinking questions and a witty ending)
Your thoughts? Belvedere is listening.

Forget the alcohol, blame it on FACEBOOK

Instructions: Watch the video, then read the post.


The video is not just comedic relief. For many couples "Facebook arguments" have become a real issue. While Tom from Myspace is somewhere wondering where Myspace went wrong, his former dedicated users have brought their f*ckery to Facebook.  Everyone from Aunt Salt to Grandma Pepper to every wanna be model between here and Antarctica has a Facebook account. I suffer through a newsfeed clouded with TMI updates, horrific bathroom shots, amateur models and annoying party promoters. This is all while Zuckerburg and his folks over at Facebook are constantly finding loopholes in the ways they can share your personal info without your consent. I digress.

Facebook has also become a place where you can meet your potential mate. Pause. Did she just say that? Yes Belvedere said that. Belvedere meant what she said. Facebook users have decided to skirt the membership fees and pesky personality tests at Match.com and e-harmony and take full advantage of the open sharing environment that is "the book." Fortunately, the book serves the same purpose many other forms of technology provide: the ability to connect with people. Unfortunately, the book is also a form of courage juice in that it gives people the gall to do and type things to you they would not say to you if they saw you in person. Men conquer their fear of rejection with a message and women  Lets not get into a discussion about the things posted during the "honesty box" era. While our grandparents never had to strategically dodge loaded questions like "why are you always writing on her wall?" or "why are you the first person to comment on his status EVERY morning?"the underlying issue is one of trust and respect.

While the internet makes it easy to use informal language and to do things we would not normally do, we must still be mindful of the consequences of what we post. If you are "in a relationship" on Facebook there is no need to allow random men/women to comment on your photos knowing your S/O can see them. Respect your mate enough to put people in line about what is appropriate to post on your profile.


There is no doubt that social networks have changed the dynamics of our relationships. Do you require your mate to put "in a relationship with" or their relationship status on Facebook? Would you follow your ex on Twitter? Would you block your ex on Facebook once you break up? Belvedere is listening.

Posted by Belvedere 

Why do good girls like bad boys?

A "ride or die chick" and her "bad boy"

First, I want to apologize about the lack of posts recently. My pc went kaputz so I had to upgrade to the apple family. Forgive me? Good now we can move on. 


*Editor’s Note: By "bad boys” I mean the men women know we should stay away from but we dont. They are the men our mother’s warned us about. They are the men who play the dating game by their own rules and if you fail to follow them you will be sleeping with a broken heart. They are the men we know we are not meant to marry, but we fall for them anyway. 

Just about every woman will fall for a bad guy at least once during her dating lifespan. He has a certain *thing* about him that makes us ignore our intuition and drop everything at a moment’s notice. We throw out our common sense, sense of self worth, and sense of direction for the chance to take a trip on the bad boy ride. Opposites attract?

As a recovering “bad boy addict,” I can personally attest to the roller coaster of dating a bad boy. There was a period in my dating life where I did not think a man had sex appeal unless he had rough edges. While I no doubt turned down some great clean cut men, if you did not resemble Damion Marley, you did not get a second look from Belvedere*. When bad boys are at their peak, they have the ability to make you feel like a queen. When bad boys drop off they can take you through twists, turns, and upside down swirls and before you realize it things have taken a turn for the worst. Why would a woman subject herself to this? 

Bow to your sansei, Belvedere presents 5 reasons why good girls like bad boys:

1. She wants to taste the forbidden fruit. Women have been blamed for the problems of the world ever since Eve supposedly convinced Adam to take a bite of the forbidden fruit. Bad boys are the modern day version of forbidden fruit.  Even if you did not want it before, as soon as someone tells you it is forbidden the desire for it kicks in. The more the ‘rents tell you to stay away from something, the more your desire to have it increases. Fruit tastes so much sweeter when it forbidden. Beware of fruit who will ride around with illegal substances in the car because both of you will end up arrested. You will learn what its like to rot behind bars. 

2. She wants to piss off her parents. Whats more satisfying for a rebellious spirit than to see the look in her father's eyes when his blood boils? Its not out of spite. Its not to be mean. There is just *something* that makes us draw satisfaction from knowing we are getting under our parents’ skin. Even if the relationship is not that great, we cannot resist the urge to make it seem perfect just for the sake of getting the parental unit worked up.

3. She is going through a "phase." The last guy we dated was a "good" guy and he still ended up breaking our hearts. What do we do? We date the guy who looks the complete opposite of our last beau. In order to rid herself of all feelings for said ex, she turns to the man who is least like him.

4. She is tired of being a "good girl." Good girls are dry and predictable. I imagine its annoying to constantly hear "I knew you would say that" or "I knew thats what you would do." She is always the designated driver. She is always dressed conservatively. Does this sound exciting to you? Of all the titles you could assume in your circle who volunteer to be "the predictable one?" This girl dates bad boys to help her escape the mundane nature of her life. Her bad boy helps her forget her “good girl” title and gives her the chance to walk on the edge. He opens her mind to new things. This is also true for bad boys who date good girls. 

5. She fears a real commitment. Be careful because we may ride this lie until the wheels fall off.  Trying to build something we know wont work is often a sign we are running from something. We know what the good guys look like. They are safe. They are secure. They are predictable. They will never disrespect you. The more she dates a man that is the exact opposite of this, the longer she can run from making a commitment. Bad boys are often emotionally unavailable so commitments (or monogamy) are out of the window. We invest our time and emotions into empty relationships because we fear what might happen if we met Mr. Right. We offset this by making the bad boys our Mr. Right Now. 

The question I raise today is one that has befuddled blog readers, Youtube watchers, electric sliders and strip club visitors since the debut of the first Law & Order. Perhaps you would like to offer your own answers? Why do you think "good" girls like "bad boys"? Further, why do you think “bad boys” like “good girls?” Who’s Taking Who? The floor is yours...

Posted By Belvedere


*Times have changed. Belvedere loves clean cut men, but she still enjoys a bit of an edge. Idris Elba.