Songs That Make You Go…

So while most women’s desire to have a soundtrack to accompany love making sessions typically wanes after they’ve actually had the experience and realized it really does nothing to enhance the act (if you’re doing it right, you’ll be too busy focusing on those tingles down there to really even notice the music), there are some songs that can immediately put any woman in the mood. When I say immediately, I mean if girl and guy are cruising in a car and one of these songs comes on, girl is probably seriously contemplating climbing over that divider mess in the center of the car to jump in guy’s lap, that is assuming said guy is relatively attractive. Just like being funny, grooming, and smelling delicious can enhance the appeal of any man for a woman, playing any one of the following songs in a woman’s presence can enhance a man’s appeal as well.


Keeping with my list making theme of late, here are the top ten songs that will make a woman w*t. The order of the list is not significant, because really, it would be an impossible feat to rank these songs from the one most likely to make a woman … um you know… just from listening, to the one least likely to accomplish that task.

1. Whenever, Wherever, Whatever – Maxwell

There is something about Maxwell. That voice, his sexiness, his swag, his je ne sais quoi. Whenever, Whatever, Whatever is everything that women love about Maxwell embodied in a song.



2. You Belong To Me – Trey Songz

Trey Songz is the new king of making songs about sex, but none of his songs will make a girl drop her panties quite as quickly as this one will.



3. Marathon – Raheem DeVaughn feat. Floetry



4. Can You Handle It – Usher



5. How Does It Feel – D’Angelo

This is one of the sexiest songs ever.



6. Last Night – Az Yet

I introduced a friend of mine to this song during our sophomore year in college. No lie she listened to this song on repeat while pleasuring herself for a good six months!



7. Speechless – Beyonce

Most men probably think women go crazy for Dangerously In Love, and we do. But no Beyonce jam puts us in the mood quite like Speechless.



8. Any Time, Any Place – Janet Jackson



9. That’s Just My Way – Eric Benet

Just listen to the lyrics and you will understand…

“Feel me, take me in slowly, so you can understand how deep my love can go …”  and that’s only the beginning. For any man who can’t understand how or why Halle fell for Eric, that song is why!



10. Teach You A Lesson – Robin Thicke

Honestly, I just wanted a Robin Thicke song on the list because pretty much every song on The Evolution of Robin Thicke made all of the black women I know want to make mixed babies with this suave R&B singing white man.

*Honorable mention: The following songs didn’t quite make my list, but they will still do the trick of putting your woman in the mood: Take You Down (Chris Brown), Say Yes (Floetry), Say It (Neyo).

What do you all think, am I way off in my observation that the right soundtrack can make a man exponentially more attractive to a woman. What about my list, did I miss any songs that you think belong up there?

~Bourgeois

I Just Need A Little Romance In My Life!

Aaah.. Lost black love seems to be the theme of this month… no, actually it’s the theme of this year. First there was all of the hoopla surrounding Helena Andrews’ new book and then of course there was Southern Comfort’s post. And, the main inspiration behind this post, was it Essence or maybe Ebony magazine that ran an article discussing the lack of black love stories in the cinemas these days. Tyler Perry movies do not count, his movies are horrible and f*cking ridiculous, he somehow manages to turn great actors into horrific ones, and no one I know acts like his characters . . . but I digress. While the lack of black love stories in the movies these days is likely more a factor of the rough economic times than a factor of a lack of love in the black community, it is still very apparent. Especially to someone like myself, who lives for love stories, white horses, prince charming, and all that stuff. So for nostalgia’s sake today’s post will be a count down of the five best black romantic movies of the 90s and the new millennium (with my favorite scenes from each).


5. The Wood




4. The Brothers


3. The Inkwell

*sorry guys, you'll actually have to visit the site to see this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98I50ToSRpI&feature=related

2. Love and Basketball



1. Love Jones



* Honorable mention: Poetic Justice

Everyone, did I miss movies, what are your favorites?

Posted by Bourgeois

How Much is Too Much?

Tonight I want to pose a question to the readers of This Woman’s Work.


A few of my girlfriends have experienced a specific problem, and given that I have no clue how to be in a committed monogamous relationship, I pretty much have no useful advice to give them when they tell me about this problem.

The problem is always some variety of the following hypothetical:

Friend: So my boyfriend’s ex keeps calling and texting, and he’s always very responsive to her, it’s really starting to piss me off.

Me: (sympathetic stare) just explain to him that his constant communication with the ex makes you uncomfortable?

Friend: I already did that, he keeps taking her phone calls and responding to her texts, sometimes he even initiates conversation with her.

Me: explain to him that if he doesn’t limit his communication with his ex that his communication with you will completely end?

I have no clue if I’m giving good advice, and when I’m having these conversations with friends I often wonder if they are over-reacting. After all, it is possible to remain friends with someone after your relationship ends, and I don’t think that being in an exclusive relationship gives anyone the right to control who their partner talks to. At the same time, two people in a relationship owe each other a measure of respect. If certain behavior of one person in the relationship makes the other person feel uncomfortable, a respectful mate would change their behavior.

And constant communication with an ex is somewhat disrespectful to your current mate. However, the line between constant and occasional can be very fine. In my opinion once a week is too much, but once every other week would be fine. The time of day makes a difference as well, it’s ok to talk to your ex anytime between 9am and 10pm. After 10pm is reserved for friends who you haven’t had sex with!

My question to you all is: how much communication with an ex is too much? What forms of communication are acceptable and what is absolutely of limits? What time of day is acceptable? And what exactly do you say to a friend who is uncomfortable with her boyfriend’s communication with an ex?
 
Posted by Bourgeois

TWW Declares Comment Day!!!

Hello readers...take this day to comment on your favorite TWW posts. We will respond to your comments through out the day..Thanks for the support!!

When I read straight shooters post on half-assed relationships, the first thought that came to my mind was: it's stating the obvious.

I mean really, unless you’re under the age of 24, you’re an idiot if you’re in a half assed relationship and don’t know it, and don’t know how to get out of it. Ladies, we all know how we behave when we’re romantically interested in another person and when we want a commitment and consideration with another person, the other sex doesn’t act drastically different when they feel the same way.

[1] We don’t need to pay Steve Harvey, or anyone else to point out the obvious, that dude we’re in a half-assed relationship with a dude who is really just not that into us. I think that most women and men in these situations are painfully aware of their reality; they are just consciously ignoring it. So for all you men and women who just can’t understand why your friend stays in a half-assed relationship when they “can do so much better,” here are SIX reasons.

*** As straight shooter noted in her post, there is a possibility that a half-assed relationship can turn into the real thing, if you confront your half-assed counterpart and express your discomfort with the situation. But lets be real, it likely won’t amount to anything serious, that’s why it’s half-assed in the first place, if your partner really wanted to be with you he’d be considerate and monogamous and/or put a label on it and make it official. So this article will proceed on the assumption that anyone in a half-assed relationship knows it will end once they call their partner on their half-assed status.***

(1) Pleasure. They don’t want to give up their bedroom buddy. We all know why men would never want to give up sex on a regular basis. They make no secret of their constant desire for intercourse (oral and/or vaginal), but we women enjoy it too, so sometimes the misery experienced when a man won’t commit pales in comparison to the misery we think we’ll experience if our half-assed relationship ends and our men are no longer stimulating our lady parts on a regular basis.

(2) Loneliness. It’s pretty self explanatory. Loneliness is not a good feeling; we want to avoid feeling that feeling. A half-assed relationship is better than no relationship?

(3) Numbers. Every single woman I know, knows her number of sexual partners. Almost every woman I know wants that number to remain as low as possible. No woman wants to feel as though they’ve wasted yet another one of their numbers on a guy that ultimately will not remain in their lives, thus they try to create a full-fledged relationship out of a half-assed relationship.

(4) Energy. Whenever anyone cares about another human being they invest a lot of time and energy into maintaining that relationship. No one wants to feel as though they wasted time and energy when a situation, that they always knew wasn’t quite right, as they expected doesn’t work out.

(5) Hope. Anyone who has ever been in a half-assed relationship knows deep down that it’s wrong to hope, that things likely won’t work out, yet most people in these relationships do it anyway. We can’t help ourselves. We secretly or outwardly hope that maybe he’ll come around. That he’ll realize how great we are and he won’t want to lose us. We think to ourselves, maybe he’s just doing the same thing I am, playing it cool so he won’t come off as too pressed or needy. Shoot, thinking of the reality of months resigned to the use of only a vibrator can keep hope alive for months!

(6) Rejection. Perhaps the most motivating feeling that keeps women in half assed relationships is fear of rejection. Like I said before generally, we know our half-assed relationships won’t work out. We know if we press for the real thing we will likely get a resounding “No!” We’d rather feel the hurt that comes with being in a relationship with someone who is not fully committed than feel the hurt of knowing that the person we care about will never want something more.

So, to anyone out there reading this blog, what are some of the reasons that you’ve stayed in half-assed relationships?
 
                    
Posted by Bourgeois

I Want The Money, Cars, Clothes … The Hoes.

OK. No this is not a post lamenting on the negative message behind Drake’s track, “Successful.” And no, I don’t want the money, cars, clothes (wait, actually I do want clothes… lots of clothes!), and hoes… this post is about women’s desire to “have it all, “what exactly “it all” is, and what we women give up in the process of attaining “it all.”

I’ve always believed having it all included having a successful career, a husband, kids, a nice house, and annual vacations to exotic locales. I’ve grown up with the conception that I’d have anything and everything I desired when I got older. I had my mother and her girlfriends as examples after all, and they had all of the things that I’ve always envisioned made up a complete life; careers, husbands, good kids, and nice houses. It’s only since I’ve grown older that I’ve realized that there are many sacrifices and compromises made in the effort to attain “it all.”

Women are often forced to choose between advancing in their careers and having children. If they do choose to do both, Grandparents or Nannies often take over the role traditionally played by mothers. They miss dinners, practices, meetings with teachers, and games, in their efforts to climb the corporate ladder. If working mothers choose to be with their children instead of working those late nights and weekends they will inevitably hit the glass ceiling that prevents so many women from advancing past positions as mid-level managers in corporations to obtain positions as heads of entire departments.

And what about women’s relationships with their spouses. I attend graduate school and almost every female professor at my school is divorced. Some have experienced multiple failed marriages. It seems as though having a successful career is not conducive to having a successful relationship.

Looking at my own generation, I can think of only 3 friends that are currently in healthy, happy relationships. That’s 3 women out of maybe 20 or so that I keep in regular contact with. A good number of my girlfriends say they don’t desire either a husband or children or both, and sometimes I feel as though I shouldn’t desire those things either if I’m going to achieve success in my chosen career.

Anyhow, all of my rambling leads to a few questions for you guys… Basically I’m wondering if a) what exactly is your definition of having everything and b) do you all think a woman can ever truly have everything?

Posted by Bourgeois

What's a girl to do?!?!?

“A beautiful woman with a great head on her shoulders shouldn’t settle, but should also be smart enough to know a good man when she sees one. . . . There are some very good men out there that will be the man you want him to be if you give him a chance.”

Above was a comment I came across while reading a post from one of my favorite blogs. The comment was in response to a post about attractive women with ugly girl syndrome (attractive women who stay with dudes that treat them badly because they don’t want to be lonely). Can I just say that I’m so sick of men saying this shit to counter women’s argument that men are assholes. My observation: the only reason any man is a “very good man” is because he is a very ugly man. If he wasn’t very ugly he wouldn’t be very good. Shit, even some of the very ugly men have developed the asshole syndrome that runs rampant amongst that other sex.

I know a couple, girl is cute, guy not so much, yet every time the girl turns her back the guy goes astray. All the while I’m thinking, what the hell is wrong with him? He’s lucky he even bagged her, now he’s trying to score a side piece too??? I know that you all know that couple too.

Anyway, all of this is to say, if I were to give that very good man a chance I’d be doing exactly what I know I shouldn’t . . . settling. Why should my options be limited to an asshole or some guy I’m not attracted to who kind of makes my skin crawl when he touches me.

Men, act appropriately, don’t be an asshole and there will be no need for me to be lonely or settle.
OK vent over. Anyhow, what do you think, are men only very good when they are very ugly?

Posted by Bourgeois