Thursday, August 5, 2010

Where You At?



Okay... picture this:  so you want to have a girls night out and you call up your regular 4 girls, except girl number 3 is in a new relationship and has been MIA. I have been trying to be understanding of my bff and her new found love...BUT how long should I put up with this...ahhh...so here is what I have been thinking:

Why would a friend start disappearing because she has a new man? Shouldn't I be one of the first people to get all the juicy details.  Instead all I get is her voicemail...voicemail people!  I don't appreciate being avoided.  As a friend this is the time where we should be sharing in the excitement.  However, we have started to grow apart because she thinks that I can be placed on the back burner for someone she just met.  Sorry to say this, but he's probably not going to be there in six months.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to block on your new relationship but our relationship should not suffer. So fast forward six months when he's no longer in the picture.  Should I still be in the picture?

Ok to stay on the side of a supportive friend and not a sour puss..let me just say...I understand that when someone is newly in love they want to be around that person..it's natural and whatever...believe me I get it. I have given her what I believe to the appropriate amount of new boo lovin time (2 weeks); but  it's time to reconnect with your friends. What happens when you want vent about this new romance? Who are you going to talk to when you guys have your first fight? or when he starts to get on your last nerve?

 So dear friends, don't alienate your bff's when you meet that special someone...well you can but don't expect them to be there when things go south. 

P.S: I miss my buddy..lets hope she comes up for air soon

So TWW world have you experienced a friend ditching you for a new boo? how did you cope with the separation anxiety?..let me know

Guest Blogger Fridays
- Post Written By Sistren


at 10:48 PM

5 comments:

  1. AnonymousAugust 6, 2010 at 9:31 AM

    Haven't had this yet..but at times i tend to get all caught up in my boo lovin..but i atleast include my friends in the fun and excitement of a new beau..ur friend is trippin..that is all..lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know peopleAugust 6, 2010 at 9:56 AM

    Sounds like you're hating on your friend to me. So what because she got a new man! Do you have a man? Why are you so lonely and needy that you wont allow your friend to build a great relationship with her man? Why do you have so much time to dwell on the lack of "juicy details" about their relationship? Have you ever met the guy? If not, how can you tell its not going to last longer than 6 months? Unless this is an ongoing cycle for your friend (and I doubt it is otherwise it wouldnt bother you so much), you should step aside and allow her to be happy. Judging by your attitude, she probably has good reason for not telling you Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 30ish girlAugust 6, 2010 at 10:01 AM

    I am a 30 something (cough, cough) year old woman who has had years of experience with this exact situation, and you know what i've learned, it's not about me. At first i would get frustrated, upset and feel completely neglected as a bff, but i have come to realize that though men may come and go bff's are forever. I now know who my friend is and accept that when she's "bunned up," i'm not going to hear from her. We can't change anyone else, we can only change ourselves. I have chosen to accept my bff for who she is and love her even when she doesn't meet my expectations. I have found that because i have made this choice i don't get upset when i start "not hearing," from her for weeks at a time, i'm like ok she must have found a guy, and that's ok. I call and check in and if and when she can she calls back. And that's ok too. We have been through marriages, and births, deaths and trauma and we are always there for each other when it counts, so if she misses and occasional happy hour, doesn't return and email or text in 24 hours that's ok too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love the way you lieAugust 6, 2010 at 11:39 AM

    @30ish girl

    I agree. Sometimes we have to give people their space. All you can do as a friend is be there to support her regardless of whether it works out. Dont focus on what you're missing; instead, look at it as you're gaining a new friend (her new boo). If she wants to spend all of her time under him, then leave her be. Dont add extra pressure on her or her new relationship. You have to learn to be understanding.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. This Womans WorkAugust 6, 2010 at 5:43 PM

    Guest Blogger's response
    @Tay she is really trippin but she's my friend.

    @Iknowpeople I do have a man. I don't think that I'm needy or hating on her. If you're used to having your friend be there on a regular basis and then suddenly she disappears, you're going to miss her. I also don't feel like the reason why she disappears is justified. I feel used cause she only knows me when she don't have a man.

    @30ishgirl thank you for response. I never thought about it like that before. I think for our friendship to last I would have to be the one to change.

    @ilovethewayyoulie I'm going to start to be more understanding. Hopefully it does last and I do gain a new friend.

    ReplyDelete

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