Editors Note: TWW decided to forgo Guest Blogger Fridays in favor of posting Chapter 2 of our interview with a female cheater. Moving on...
Belvedere: How long did it last?Pink Panther: 8 months.
Belvedere: 8-6=2. So you mean to tell me you managed to stop having sex with your boyfriend, who you were living with, for two months and he thought that was ok? *side eye*Pink Panther: We were still intimate for the first 6 months of the affair but yea for the last 2 months I convinced my bf I wasnt in the mood. I felt like he knew but he didnt know how to approach me about it. He later told me I was the first woman who ever cheated on him. Thats one hell of a first huh?
Belvedere: Did Marcus have a girlfriend or someone else?
Pink Panther: He didnt. It made things a little less complicated.
Belvedere: Would you have started the affair if he had a girl?
Pink Panther: Heck NO! I stay away from men with girlfriends. Women are crazy for their men.
Belvedere: Were you afraid of getting caught?
Pink Panther: I didnt consider it because I thought I was too smart to get caught. I thought about all the things people do to catch their mate cheating and I covered my tracks: Marcus was saved as Marsha in my phone; if he needed to call me while at home, his sister called first; I kept up our date nights and all that stuff. I was an actress and if my life were the Truman show I'd get an Oscar! *laughs*
Belvedere: Why did it end?Pink Panther: The novelty of it wore off. It became too much work. Too much lying and sneaking around. I started to feel dirty. I was paranoid about who knew. I was scared my bf would find out from someone else. I was petrified of coming home one day and he had found out. I wasn’t emotionally involved anymore because I felt so guilty.
Belvedere: How did it end?
Pink Panther: I ended it. I switched jobs. I met with him one last time and broke ties. I also changed my number & convinced my boyfriend we should move. I found a good deal on a new apartment but the reality was I was afraid someone might show up to our apartment while I was away and tell my bf. We lived in a gated community but we all know there is a way around even the best security gates.
Belvedere: Do you think Marcus loved you?Pink Panther: Yes. People might say I'm stupid to think he had feelings for me knowing I had a man at home, but at the time I truly believed he cared for me. Our relationship (if you wanna call it that) was not just a sexual connection, it was emotional. We could sit for hours without saying a word and I would leave feeling like I had just left a therapy session. Sometimes I just wanted to sit and listen to his heart beat. Towards the end he pressured me to leave my boo but I resisted. I think there was love between us. A forbidden love. If I saw him today I think I would still get butterflies.
Belvedere: Did your boo ever find out?Pink Panther: Like I said before, I think to a certain extent he knew already. I couldn’t continue our relationship knowing what I had done so I went to him one day and confessed. I wanted him to decide whether he wanted to go on. My speech started like those people on Maury "You know I love you right?..."
Belvedere: Say it aint so! He must have been heartbroken!Pink Panther: He was. I had known this man half my life and I had never seen him cry. That night he cried like a baby. He kept asking was it because of something he did wrong. Like that "maybe I deserve song" ya know? He said he could forgive me so we tried to work it out. We ended it because I couldnt forgive myself. I couldn’t be intimate with him anymore. I will never forget his words "I was a good n**ga to you and you lied to me. I don’t think I can ever trust another female again. Congratulations, you just messed it up for every woman after you!" That crushed me. We ended it once our lease on our new spot was up.
Belvedere: Are you afraid of how people will judge you?Pink Panther: I used to worry so much about what people think about me. Now I don’t care. I was young. I made mistakes. Now I've been on both sides of an affair and I pray karma is done with me. I'm not ashamed of anything I've done. I've since told all my girlfriends about the affair.
Belvedere: If you could describe your experience in one word...
Pink Panther: STRESSFUL!
Belvedere: What advice do you have for women who are cheating or are considering having an affair?Pink Panther: I would tell them not to do it. If I had the chance to do it all again I'm not sure if I would do it over. I learned a lot about myself through the affair-lessons I might not have known otherwise. BUT I also hurt a lot of people along the way. Everyday I have to live with the fact that I ruined a great black man because of my selfish ways. Now every woman he dates after me will experience heartbreak. I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy.
There you have it folks!
What does Belvedere think? People cheat because there is someone there to cheat with them. Read between those lines.
Again I ask, how do you feel about a female who cheats? Is it "different" because of double standards or is a cheating woman just as low down as a cheating man? Tell Belvedere how you feel...
Posted by Belvedere
What does Belvedere think? People cheat because there is someone there to cheat with them. Read between those lines.
The Pink Panther will be online from 12pm-5pm TODAY ONLY as "Pink Panther" to answer any questions and respond to any comments you may choose to share. Seize the opportunity to ask questions you've always wanted to ask! Tell a friend!
Again I ask, how do you feel about a female who cheats? Is it "different" because of double standards or is a cheating woman just as low down as a cheating man? Tell Belvedere how you feel...
Posted by Belvedere
I'm slightly confused about Pink Panthers reason for cheating. I understand that she experienced a "change" in her relationship with her man at home (i.e. he was being an ass, etc.)... but there was no room for communication? If I were her man, I'd much rather appreciate the opportunity to sit down and talk about my behavior, and what effect it’s having on the relationship.
ReplyDeleteSo who's more wrong...him or her (the cheaters)? He's single and on the prowl, but was she openly forthcoming about her man at home? Now what happens to this guy (Mr. Side Piece), that has fallen in love with this woman, who admittedly cheats? I would like to talk to Mr. Side Piece, and let him know that she is a cheater and nothing will come of a long-term relationship with Pink Panther.
I advise you Mr. Side Piece...don't just Hit-It and Quit-It. Find out what her man doesn't do in the bedroom, and you do all of those things x10. Make Pink Panther beg for more, and definitely make sure that she climaxes long before you. A bedroom-prescription for her cheating ass should be 1hour of oral stimulation over her entire body, 45minutes of solely eating from the fruit basket, long-slow insertion for minimum of 45 minutes while pressing your chest against her chest, and AlWAYS kiss her slowly on the lips. Repeat twice throughout the night, and offer to bathe her afterwards. When it's all over send her home to him....but she's still thinking about you.
-Mr. Rake
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteHey Mr. Rake, thanks for your question. Like I told Belvedere in my interview the relationship did not start out with the intent for it to become an affair. Although I didn't realize it at first, what I lacked at home was companionship. Marcus made up for what I was missing both in my life and in the bedroom. My bf was there every night physically but mentally he was unavailable. I tried talking to him to sort things out but you know how men get. I wasn't prepared to leave so I confided in Marcus or "Mr. Side Piece" as you call him. Our relationsip progressed over 8 months from a work relationship to a friendship to what I considered love & respect.
For the record, I haven't seen Mr. Side Piece since I broke it off.
May I ask another question? What was Mr. Side Piece missing, that didn't make you completely leave the BF? Or, what kept you going back home to the BF? Although I refer to my self as Mr. Rake, I've also been (and sometimes now) I play the "Mr. Side Piece" role. One day I may decide to make a "Pink Panther" type my wife and I want to make sure that she never needs another man to fulfill a part of her that I've neglected. Please advise.
ReplyDelete- Rake
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say Mr. Side Piece was missing anything. I didnt leave my bf because I took a risk assesment and I chose my bf. I kept going back to my bf because I truly loved him. Scratch that, I still love him. I cared for Marcus too but I saw what we had as a fling and I always knew it would end. I knew once I passed the threshold and became intimate with Marcus that I would not want to begin a relationship with him.
I felt secure with my bf but like I said my relationship was vulnerable. My bf was going through a difficult time and just became emotionally unavailable. I was young and I didnt know how to deal with that. When our communication lines broke down so did our bond.
Once a cheater always a cheater? Are you going to always be labeled a "cheater" because you've done it in the past? Most men are labeled "cheaters" after a single inappropriate act. I agree that once I cheated, I acquired the Superman/Teflon Don complex....never thought I'd get caught, and I haven't yet. So what happens when the opportunity presents itself again Pink Panther? Personally I'm looking for a woman just like you....you have just as much to loose as I, and I know that the "old cheater" may still exist in you.
ReplyDeleteT.W. Toes
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThanks for your questions TW. I will have to disagree with you. I dont believe "once a cheater always a cheater." I think once you get caught and you experience the whirlwind that it causes you dont want to go through that again. I dont want to ruin anymore great black men. I admit that I am sometimes tempted and I wonder what it would be like to be with another man, but I quickly remember the repercussions of my actions. I dont think anyone should cheat. Either leave or stay faithful. Dont be selfish. Its not worth the heartache, guilt, extra work, lies, and deceit that are involved.
Sorry to burst your bubble T.W. Toes. If you're looking for someone with just as much to loose as you, your vision is blurred. You should look for a woman who wants to gain as much as possible with you. May I ask why you cheat? Are you missing something or do you think you're Big Meech?
I would liken myself more to Larry Hoover. All jokes aside, I don’t know if something was missing from the serious relationships I've had (3). Once I move on, then I realize what the last partner had to offer, but typically its way too late by that time. The new person offers something a little different, and the cycle continues. Unfortunately, I've ran into a brick wall recently, and really fallen for someone knowing that I shouldn't. That's when I get tough, peel off my suit an expose the "S" on my chest.....on to the next one.
ReplyDelete-T.W. Toes
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteHave you ever considered (I'm pretty sure you have) maybe one reason you missed out on the greatness of your past relationship is because you spent too much time being a Larry Hoover and not enough time being Romeo. Disagree with me if you must, but cheating takes a lot away from your relationship. Even if you are the perfect character, you still end up robbing your mate of yourself a little bit because you offer a piece to yourself to your sidepiece. This can be physical or mental. Even if you are at 95% around your mate, you are robbing them of 5%.
Maybe if we spent that extra 5% and added a little more (going the extra mile to make it work) we could see how great our mate was and how STUPID we are for stepping out BEFORE its too late.
Instead of being so quick to move on or step out, give your spouse and your relationship a real chance. You never know what jewel you might find hiding under a lump of coal.
Conclusion: Valid Point. We SHOULD all give 100% all the time, but we are only human. I agree that both partners deserve (all) of their mate, and that makes for life long partners. A "Rake" I may be on the exterior, buy I'm truly a "love coxcomb" at heart.
ReplyDelete-Mr. Rake
I will agree also. I haven't given my all, because I've allowed my attention to be shared. If I run into that brick wall (love)again.....I'll stop and work on building onto it, instead of trying to tear it down.
ReplyDeleteT.W. Toes
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI agree. We are human. I dont accept that as an excuse or as a validation of anything except that we make mistakes. As humans we also have the power to make conscious decisions. We all have that point where if we do certain things we know we are going to eventually cross the line. I knew if I started making regular lunch dates with Marcus and lying to my bf about what I did for lunch it would grow into more. I knew if I met him after dark more than once something would eventually happen. I denied it myself and before I knew it my panties were on his floor. If I had given my bf 100% I would not have had the time or mental energy to give to Marcus. The reality is that I didnt and that is something I live with.
Rake, are you afraid of something? Why must you have a Rake on your exterior? Why not open up to your spouse and give her all of you?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteT.W. Toes,
Can I take a little credit for your enlightenment? *wink*
No but seriously, work on it. Love is a beautiful thing when its done the right way. If each person does their best and gives their all at least if it doesnt work out you wont walk away wondering "what if?"
Quite honestly...it may be too late. Sometimes you allow other people to enter your life for a spell, and they consume your every thought. Is it fair to go home to my spouse now, and try to give her my all, when my thoughts waiver back to the "pink panther"-like woman. I'd rather moon-walk around the situation and continue with the fun until it's over.
ReplyDelete-Rake
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteRake,
You have to decide whats fair and prepare for the consequences. Would you want to know if your lady was stepping out on you? Could you deal with it if your lady beat you to stepping out? Could you handle going on?
I decided my bf deserved to know. I didnt want to deprive him of what I believe was his right to be in an honest relationship. I could not go on knowing I was forcing him to live a lie he wasnt 100% sure existed. I brought lies, deceit and infidelity into our lives. It was my responsibility to at least let him know it was there. I wanted him to make the decision about whether to go on, not me. I thought he at least deserved that much.
If you decide you dont want to tell your spouse about your "step show" then thats your conscience and your karma. I didnt want my bf to find out from someone else either.
Another thing. If your mind continues to wander, maybe you need to be a single manwhore for a while and get it out of your system. Double your digits. Slap a few stripper asses with $1 bills. Do whatever you need to do. Its not "fair" to continue getting into relationships with women knowing you still want to be trife. If you want to be trife then be that. Dont walk around pretending you are going to treat your lady right and put her first when you know darn well you have tendencies that you have yet to sort out. Keep it real with yourself. You may not be ready for a relationship but you're ready for all the perks that comes along with them. Decide whats more important. Just sayin...
PSA always wear a Jimmy hat :)