Beyond "I Love You"

What follows is a conversation between me and him. Relationship length: 5 years.

Me: When we first fell in love you said I love you all the time. Its been 5 years & you have gotten comfortable.
Him: Babe I dont have to tell you I love you all the time. We're beyond that. We're beyond saying I love you. I know you love me and you know I love you. What would saying it change? I dont love you any less just because I dont say it all the time.
Me: C'mon son! You used to call me just to tell me. Now you barely say it. *side eye* Whats up with that?
Him: I show you I love you. I cook and clean when you're too tired even if I'm tired too. If I know you had a long day at work I give you the remote and watch Girlfriends marathons with you. I do our laundry on Saturdays so you can go out and have your *air quotes* me time. If you want something all you have to do is hint that you want it and its yours. I gave you my last piece of pineapple this morning and I REALLY wanted it. I massage your feet even on weeks when you skip your pedicure, yea I notice that LOL. You dont have to question it or hear it because you SEE it everyday. For God's sake, I helped you wash your hair yesterday! Woman have you seen your hair lately? Its to your ass babe! If that aint love then I dont know love.

Pause. Before ya'll swoon in saying "Belvedere give the guy a break" or "Dude is full of it," shut up and listen hear me out. 

Professing your love for someone is a beautiful thing. There's nothing like hearing your significant other say "I love you" for the first time. For a woman to hear her man say it unprompted is like finding a natural video model, the sh*t doesnt happen often. This is especially true when dealing with men who do not express emotions well. When it comes to men and feelings, most fall into one of three categories:

1. Mr. "Context Clues." Men that expect you to know their feelings without them ever putting it into words. They think their actions speak so loud they dont have to put them into words. He might be more comfortable writing the words down on paper, or in a text or IM. When he finally starts expressing his feelings its like the ultimate breakthrough. Its satisfying. All is right with the world.

2. Mr. "Persuasion." He's the opposite of Mr. Context Clues. He is always telling you. He wakes up saying "I love you" and throughout the course of a single day you will hear it more than a dozen times. Saying "I love you" is like second nature to him. Its not as significant because he says it so much. Hell he says it so much its almost like he is trying to convince himself. Sometimes you just wanna say "Damn I get it dude you love me. How many times a day are you gonna say it?"

3. Mr. "Understanding." He is the man in the middle. He says "I love you" just enough for you to appreciate it, but not so much that the words lose their significance. He understands you. Somehow he has found a perfect balance between showing it and saying it when you need to hear it most:
On Saturday mornings when you're in your cleaning sweats, headscarf on, wearing no makeup;
When you've been up for 3 days straight preparing for an exam and you look like an extra from Thriller; and
When you're balled up in the fetal position because mother nature is showing you whose the boss and he's warming up your heating pack.

The man in the intro conversation started out a 1, bounced to 2 progressed to 3 and then created his own category: "Beyond I love you." He showed it constantly, but rarely said it. When he said it I knew he meant it and it was more significant than when he was a 2 but I yearned for him to go back to 3. In case you're wondering, we reached a compromise that made both of us happy.

Today's lesson: No matter where on the spectrum a man falls, its still nice to hear it. Fellas, you can put in overtime QT, lay **Splackavellie level pipe but understand your girl still needs to hear it.

Tell Belvedere how you feel. Is there such a thing as being beyond "I love you"? Is it more important to say the words or display the actions? Is it possible to strike a perfect balance?

The carpet is all yours...

Posted by Belvedere




**A man who possess epic level plumbing abilities. Hint: Click Splackavellie above.