All is well in Whoville until the man believes he has been completely upfront with a woman and then SHAM WOW she hits him with the flex. Hands on your head. She flexes her power in the relationship by demanding confirmation about where the relationship is going. Its been 2 weeks and she needs answers. He is in shock that she considers what they did after 2am a relationship. He now understands why she knows all the words to “Shawt bus shawty."
The first rule of any form of communication is to understand your audience. You're dealing with a type of human being who raises her hand & rushes to the dance floor when Plies asks Becky to raise her hand because he wants to know who gives good h*ad. We are the people who stuff our feet into uncomfortable sky high heels just because they look and feel sexy. We are the people who get involved in fist fights over a man. We are the people who sew Indian hair to our scalp and say things like "YES this is my hair, I paid for it didn't I?." Lets get down to business and defeat the huns. Belvedere is here to help the fellas by translating what we really hear when you tell us certain things. Call the DEA.
He says: I’m not ready for a commitment. I just wanna have a good time.
He means: I want the benefits of a relationship without the extra work it takes to maintain one. I want you to "drop your draws" & be DTF on command. I want you to respect my feelings. I want you to fel-aysh me.
She hears: I’m not ready for a commitment RIGHT NOW. I made this decision before I met you. When I see the best of you I will recognize your worth, change my mind & even reject fell-aysh from random heauxxs.
He says: I’m too busy for a relationship right now.He means: I choose not to make time for a relationship. You've got 2 minutes. Give me your special...tee.She hears: I'm busy but when I make time for you it means you're special. When we're together I want you to treasure our time together. Dont speak.
He says: I have a girlfriend but we have a kid together so I’m not happy but I’m not going to leave my kid. Even though we live together I consider myself single. Now lets go get some bbq and get busy.He means: My girl is tripping and I want you to slip and fall on my peen. The sooner you can make that happen, the sooner I can stop ignoring my girl's phonecalls. It doesnt take *this* long to get diapers at the store.She hears: I’m not happy but I’m a real man because I refuse to abandon my child.
He says: I have a girlfriend but I’m not happy. I haven’t left her yet because I don’t know how.
He means: I have a girlfriend but we had an argument last night so I know she wont drop her draws for at least another week. I’m not completely happy but I’m not going to leave. I have needs. You’re convenient. Now lets go get some bbq and get busy.
She hears: I’m not happy but I’m an honest man because I’m telling you about my girlfriend.
He says: I’m separated.
He means: I’m still married. I’m dare not get a divorce but I’m gonna take full advantage of the dog house my wife put me in. I have needs.
She hears: I’m single.
This is usually the point where I offer some advice about communicating effectively to women or how you can guarantee that you point is not lost in translation. Unfortunately, I dont have any fool proof way to escape it. Namely because I dare not underestimate the innovation of a fool. I'm not Prez Obama so my job is not to give you hope. This is both fortunate and unfortunate. So help me out.
Fellas, what are some things you have told a woman and you wondered how she got it wrong? Ladies, what are some things a man has told you and you took it the wrong way? Whats a goon to a goblin?
Posted by Belvedere
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