Letter to my young sistas

My precious young Sistas,


First of all let me say that you are beautiful. I believe in you. I see a bright future ahead of you. I want nothing but the best for you.  I love you.

I'm not sure what is going on with you my sista, but it is time for you to snap back to reality.  It seems like my sistas have reached a state of desperation and it is leading to our devastation. All in the name of having a man.

Are you wondering why married men continue to approach you?
Are you wondering why all the wrong men find themselves in your bed?
Are you wondering why only a certain "type" of man try to date you?
Are you wondering why you cant get past McDonald's even on the 5th date?

The answer to all of the above question is BECAUSE YOU ALLOW IT! Men can only push as far as we allow ourselves to be pushed. They continue to cheat because we stay when they do. We allow them to have a "wife on the side." We allow them to disrespect us both in private and in front of our friends and family. We allow them to approach us wearing wedding bands. We allow them to break us down. We allow them to constantly verbally and physically abuse us. Why else would we allow these things to happen? Dont give me any cowsh*t about how you love him and he loves you. Save the bullsh*t about how he "completes" you. Complete yourself!  What part of YOU do you think God left out when he made you?? When you were born, you were blessed with everything you need to be happy.  He gave us a beautiful gift called a woman's intuition and its sad that more of us dont embrace it.


Instead of focusing on making ourselves happy, this is what we do: 

Prance around thinking we can change a man who doesnt want to be changed.
Dance around thinking we can catch a man who doesnt want to be caught.
Hop around thinking we can commit to a man who doesnt give a rats tail about our well being.
Skip around believing in a man who does not believe in us.
Put him before ourselves. Drop everything we are doing when he calls at 2am and lets be real the sex game is mediocre at best. You know you fake it til you make it. 
Settle because we condition our minds to believe its the best we can do.
Accept roles like "baby mama" instead of wife because we dont want to push him away by asking for a real commitment.

Recognize that men treat the dating game like an African lion treats his hunt on the safari. He lies in wait until the sick & weak antelopes come to the river to drink and then he attacks full throttle. He does not go after the stronger antelopes because they require too much work. The same goes for men. They have a 6th sense to detect the weakest links. This is why they come around in flocks while you are vulnerable and fade to obscurity at your strongest moments.

Understand this: A man who truly loves you will never want to see you cry. He will never want to do anything to hurt you. He will only want to see you happy and will turn to mush at the very thought that you MIGHT start crying. He seeks not to break you but to help you build & grow. Any man who behaves any other way does not love you.

We know better, but we STILL dont do better. Why do we continue to deal with men who give us everything but 100%??
One of Belvedere's friends once said this (with a straight face):

"I really like John but he has a girlfriend. At least he was honest about having a girlfriend. He could have lied to me. So that makes him honest right? I know once he leaves her for me he wont cheat on me me like that"

*blank stare*

Too often we seek love outside when we have not learned to love ourselves on the inside. We look in the mirror and we dont like what we see. Instead of changing ourselves & growing to make "self" feel better, we choose to change to prove to someone else we deserve them. In the end, we are still unhappy with ourselves. The first step to learn to love yourself holistically and unconditionally. Love every mole, freckle, cellulite, funny bone, and fiber of your being. Accept that you are a woman and you are emotional. Accept that you are innately nurturing.

Do NOT accept anyone into your life who does not bring you pure joy.
Do NOT compromise your morals or your health for the sake of having a man. 

My observation is that many of us suffer from low self esteem, but we are not prepared to admit it. Black women are expected to be strong, confident, elegant & supportive. Society is not prepared to deal with the breakdown of America's strongest woman. As a proud black woman I understand what its like. We are expected to be strong in moments of adversity and we dare not complain. We are assumed to be the backbone for so many but we often lack a backbone for ourself. We are more likely to keep each other down & be more critical on each other than we are on our white counterparts.

I encourage all of you to uplift each other. If you see a sista struggling, give her a smile and encouraging words. Sincerely assure her "no matter what you are going through my sista, you will get through this." Black women and black men are extensions of each other. To my black men, understand that we are your sisters, your aunts, your mothers and grandmothers. You too must play a role in uplifting today's black woman.


All my love & blessings,

Belvedere


Your thoughts?