Guest Blogger Fridays

The THREE F's

The formula: Feed Me + Freak Me + Leave Me The Freak Leave = A Happy man

I keep up with this blog and agree with most of the subject matters posed by the contributors. Yea, some men use women for just the sex, while running game, and dangling the carrot of the casual hook situation leading to a relationship. 

True. Some men don’t like to confirm relationships and prefer to keep women in the quagmire of the “Untitled Relationship.” 

Yea, some men exploit the young, the old and the wayward of woman but avoid the strong, independent and successful sister that will challenge him and potentially elevate him to be who God intended him to be. No doubt. 

But I find with age, some men develop and begin to want lasting relationships with women beyond the “Casual Hook Situation” or “Untitled Relationship.” Especially if the man finds “A Woman” (See my last post for a detailed description of “A Woman”). 

I will admit that there are some men who despite age and upper nobility decide that they want nothing more than a “Casual Hook Situation” or “Untitled Relationship.” That’s a fact. Fact is each man has to determine for himself the type of destiny he wants. And honestly, I don’t feel remorse for a woman who is continuously burned by this type of man. Humans are designed by nature to adapt.

Now say the woman learns from her past experiences and is now able to identify a man who has moved beyond the days of “Casual Hook Ups” and “Untitled Relationships.” The man and the woman are now in a position to have something real.  What does she now need to know about men to help make the relationship thrive?

From reading past entries on this blog, I started getting the impression that men are complex like Trigonometry or Physics. The fact of the matter is we are more like addition and biology. If you don’t believe me ask your Grandmother, Mother, Aunt or Grandaunt what formula she used to keep her man. I guarantee you the formula is the same across the board. (Note: If none of the women in your family have been able to keep a man, please save your time and ask a neighbor.) 

Have you asked yet? I’ll give you some time. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……………………………………………………………………..

…Okay, I’ll let you in on the secret. The formula is Feed ‘Em, Freak ‘Em and Leave ‘Em the Freak Alone. That equals a happy man. Simple enough, huh? 

Well, let me explain what goes wrong. 

Feed ‘Em

I know what you are thinking… It’s 2010 not 1950, right? Chances are, professionally you are just as successful as your mate, if not more successful than your mate. 

…And you say, “I still have to cook?” 

My reply is, “Have you ever heard the old adage? 

It says something like "the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” 

You are seeking entry into his heart right? Well, I’ll answer your question with a question. Do you have to cook?

By no means am I telling you to cook for a sorry joker who isn’t serious about a relationship. Doing special things for this guy won’t help your cause at all. It will only cause your self esteem to plummet to levels lower than the current Dow Jones. Going on. 

Freak ‘Em

Again, Don’t waste your good tricks on a guy that isn’t serious about you. Save them for the guy who has demonstrated to you that he is playing for keeps. Freaking ‘Em includes sex but isn’t limited to sex. Freaking ‘Em also includes intimacy or the shoulder rub, the dandruff scratch, the twisted dreads, and the kind-reassuring words a woman can say to make a man feel like a champ.

This fails when a woman withholds affection. No man will deal with an icy woman.   

Leave ‘Em the Freak Alone

Lastly but most importantly, if women become good at nothing else, be good at knowing when to leave a man alone. Know when to cut the venting short. Know when to drop a sensitive subject. Know how to chill when the game is on. Leaving a man alone also includes creating and maintaining the inviting/approachable/calm/cool/agreeable atmosphere. The type of atmosphere a man wants to be in. 

When a woman nags or rides a man the relationship will never work. If you’re a nag...Please. Stop. Now. 

What do you think of the 3F’s? What are some of the things a man has to do for woman to be happy in a relationship? Your comments are appreciated.    

Posted by Kool Kustomer 

Guest Blogger Fridays!

"Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree..."

— Pete Wentz

Its no secret that men prefer an "easy" woman; a woman they don’t have to work hard to secure. 

Lets be clear about what an easy woman looks like. She is a  woman who accepts "less than" treatment from a man who may or may not "wine and dine her." She is grateful that he shows her off in public and gives her all the finer things in life. Once they become "serious" she does not complain about not being allow to meet his family or attend church services with him. Furthermore, she accepts that his best friends dont even know she exists, let alone that the two are dating. She’s someone that he hooks up with to get his rocks off (if you know what I mean) but doesnt complain when he doesnt call her the next day. It’s beyond me why men pursue this type of woman and why the women refuse to step their game up and do better. 

It’s sad that in 2010 there are women who will still accept less than the "Queen" treatment from a man. Although I can't fathom a reason for this, I have heard women say “A piece of a man is better than no man at all.” What does this really mean? When I think about it, the meaning has nothing to do with a man. It actually refers to a woman who allows a man to treat her like she is a piece of a woman. It could also be interpreted to mean having an unfaithful partner (everyone gets a piece) is better than having no partner at all. That’s the craziest thing I have ever heard. I would rather be alone than take bullshit nonsense from any man. Don't get me wrong, I love men. I love everything about a great and confident man but we all have to face reality. We all have to take responsibility for the state of the dating world in 2010. The same way that there are easy apples on a tree, there are men waiting to pick them. We must all raise our standards so that we can uplift each other. Think about it. If the fellas stop picking the easy apples, then the ladies who were the easy apple before will work to become a medium apple in the middle or a strong apple at the top. If ladies stop being easy apples, then the fellas will have no choice but to approach the best of the best.


I have stopped trying to figure it out; I agree with the quote. Men want something easy and they are not going to climb to the top of the tree to get the better apple, its become obvious that they would rather get something that’s easier than a blue box of Kraft mac n' cheese. I'd like to be a fly on the wall when they realize the apples at the top are worth the work and the only ones worth having. I want to hear from you.  

Do you think this is a true quote? Why is it that men really settle for less? What do you think?

I'm listening.  

Posted by Charlie. 

Guest Blogger Fridays

Guest Blogger Fridays!!

Answering the tough questions 101 for The Fellas Dummies 

Fellas, from the moment we meet a woman she is evaluating us to determine if we can get the goods if we are a fit partner. Unbeknown to some of us, women are trying to figure out what’s wrong with us which pile to place us in. There are three piles we could possibly land in after a few introductory conversations.

The first and worst is Hell. This is the “I will never EVER-EVER-EVER respond to another one of your text messages or answer one of your calls again!” pile. If you land in this pile, Fellas, bow out gracefully. Save what little face you have left.   

The second is just as damning as “Hell” in my opinion but some fools choose to hold out hope in Purgatory. This is the “I will respond to your text messages and entertain your conversation from time to time but never EVER-EVER-EVER go out or chill with you!” pile. If you land in his pile, Fellas, know when to give up hope, screw the Obama slogan, and cut your losses. You have a better chance of winning the lotto than going out with this woman. Save yourself the torture.

The third and final pile is the Gates of Heaven but don’t confuse activity with accomplishment. However, just because you made it to the gates doesn’t mean you will gain access. From here, with one bad move you can still end up in Hell or in Purgatory. Watch your step but know once at the gate the ball is in your court and if you are like me that is VERY GOOD NEWS.  

On to the Nuts and Bolts

Before you get the chance to whisper the sweet nothings in her ear, melt her with seductive eye contact, give her the belt-to-belt hug to let her know you are 100% Man – You have to be able to answer the tough questions. As I said before, from the jump women are trying to figure out which pile to put us in so pay close attention to the following lecture.

My format will be asking a question commonly asked by women then providing a “Dummie” answer – Hell answer – and a “Kool Kustomer” answer – which leads to the gates of Heaven. Now, let the questioning begin.

Class in Session

Question 1: Do you club often?

Dummie: Yea. My friends homeboys and I go a few times EVERY week. We know all the bouncers and bartenders so we get in free and drink ALL night.

Kool Kustomer: I go from time to time but I try not to go too often. I wouldn’t want to be known as that “Club Guy” so I keep my profile low. Don’t get me wrong. I like to go out but I pursue other venues in addition to going out to clubs.

Question 2: Why don’t you have a girlfriend?

Dummie: I’m just chillin right now but if something happens IT HAPPENS.

Kool Kustomer: At the point in life where I am now, I am very picky that being because my next girlfriend has to have the qualities of my potential wife. I don’t have wedding fever or anything but I am past the point in my life where I have girlfriends for the sake of having girlfriends.

Question 3: What happened with your last relationship?

Dummie: That b**** She was crazy. It was all good at the beginning, but she started tripping.

Kool Kustomer: I loved her but she was ready to take a step in the relationship that I wasn’t ready to take. Though I loved her, I started questioning whether she was the woman I should be with forever. Finally, I broke things off with her when the pressure she was putting on me became too much to bear. We are still great friends. If nothing else, I am glad that I am single so I can get the opportunity to get to know you.

Question 4: Are you gay?

 Dummie: Yea, I am gay. No, I am joking. Of course I am not gay.

 Kool Kustomer: No. I guess in 2010 that is a question you have to ask, huh?

Question 5: Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Dummie: Making moves like Diddy. I will be changing the game.

Kool Kustomer: I can see myself with a special lady in my life. I plan to continue to move up where I work. Also, I can see myself working towards an advanced degree at night and possibly some consulting on the side, as well.

Question 6: How would you feel if your woman made more money than you?

Dummie: That would be fine with me. Her money would come to me so I wouldn’t have any issues.

Kool Kustomer: I am not going to be in competition with my significant other. We will be partners and help each other to be better. I will be her biggest cheerleader in all of her success as she will be for me in my success.

Epilogue

The average man isn’t a Dummie, in my opinion, and the average woman doesn’t want a Kool Kustomer. All good things come with balance, they say, but if the objective is to get to the promise land gates of Heaven then why not let Kool Kustomer be your Moses? Thoughts and additional questions? Holla back, Youngin’.

Class Dismissed

*Disclaimer* - The opinions listed are from the author. Results can’t be guaranteed because other factors are in play besides how you answer questions. Including but not limited to looks, vibe, compatibility, smell or lack there of positive smell, teeth or lack there of – which are never to be underestimated.

Answering the tough questions 102 for The Fellas Dummies – Preview

(Questions women ask that piss men off)

Question 1: What are we doing? Define our relationship?

Question 2: Why don’t we talk anymore?

 Question 3: Which [fill in the blank] (dress/shirt/shoes/skirt/sweater/jacket/purse/hat/scarf/poncho) should I wear?

Question 4: Why do you always have to watch the game?

Question 5: Why haven’t you confirmed our relationship on facebook yet?

Guest Blogger Fridays

 

Posted by Kool Kustomer

The elephant in the room...

 

You knew the topic was coming so here goes nothing. Regardless of whether you dress it up as infidelity or if you're blunt enough to call it cheating, we've all been dumbfounded at least once by the situation. This is true whether you were the victim of the infidelity or a good enough friend to provide your shoulder to cry on. We listen as women pour over situations where they should have known he was cheating but ignored their intuition. Some of us provide excuses for the man's behavior. What we don't hear a lot of is the reasons men cheat.

Men have different reasons for cheating. This comes as no surprise to anyone. They can have the best woman in the world; yet, they still give in to the urge to stray. Since I have a curious mind I've asked several men why they cheat. Their answers boil down to one thing: they feel they aren’t getting what they need at home. They give reasons like:

She isn’t cooking.

She isn’t sexing him the way he likes it (you know giving h_ad and all that other good stuff).

She isn’t stroking his ego.

She’s isn’t mentally and emotionally supporting him. 

She is boring. 

The relationship is no longer exciting. 

The spark is gone.

Men claim that because they are not getting what they feel they deserve at home, they seek it elsewhere and find it in another woman. Some have been so bold as to proclaim they have cheated because their relationship has gotten boring. They don’t do the fun and exciting things they used to. When she's home, her only interest is to browse Facebook or watch TV all night then go to sleep. 

Their answers did not catch me by surprise. Some men are just shallow. Some men say they don’t have a reason to cheat; they just do it for the hell of it. They have a wife who is beautiful on the inside and out and who cooks, cleans and works just as hard as he does AND takes care of the kids. He will still cheat.

 

*sigh* It’s beyond me why men cheat. Some women say men will eventually get it out of their system for wanting to be with so many different women and they will settle down. This I don’t believe. Men are going to cheat until the end of time. Nevertheless, good men still exist; they’re just so hard to find.

I would love to hear from you. What do you think?

Posted by Charlie

Guest Blogger Fridays

The Downfall of a Brother is His Mother

Single black women head 67% of African American households so it should come as no surprise that the downfall of a brother is his mother….

I’ve met a lot of guys in my day who swear that the women of today’s society absolutely don’t compare to their mother. For the most part they believe that their ideal women should be attractive, she washes his clothes, cleans after him, she’s his favorite chef, she’s smart, she listens, is his biggest cheerleader, is patient, understanding, self sufficient…..I could literally go on forever! Too much of a good thing eventually goes bad, so while all of this may sound good, it definitely comes at a price.

When a man grows up in a single parent household with his mother, instinctively she becomes very protective in order to shield him from the pitfalls of society as well as help him avoid the mistakes she made. Seeing this behavior, the guy naturally believes that his significant other should be just as supportive as his mother, just as caring as his mother, just as understanding as his mother, and just as attentive as his mother. So the basis of a good woman becomes his mother and everything short of his mother, well let’s just say…..she will never be more than a “friend.”

I am not saying that a woman in a relationship should not be supportive, caring or understanding, but as a man what are you doing, are you really worth it, what role does your mother play in your relationship? Your mother is your mother and I am not your mother. Far too often in today’s society men have become extremely reliant on the love and adoration woman give so easily and they don’t reciprocate this back to their woman. I think that if you want to be treated as special as your mother treats you, then you should go home to her. The lack of a serious male role model has taken its toll on far too many men because they don’t understand how to properly value and appreciate a woman.

I applaud all woman that are courageous enough to play both the role of mother and father, however I think that a woman is never fully equipped to train a man to be a man, there are just some things that only a man can teach a man. The female influence being imposed on a man during his formative years leaves him at a disadvantage particularly when it comes to relationship.

I understand not every guy raised in a single parent home by his mother fits this profile but it’s definitely a growing epidemic, the downfall of a brother……

Thoughts?

Guest Blogger Friday's

Post was written by: Complicated Melody

He Defines Me...

I can't live without him... I am lost without him...I am not unhappy unless I am in a relationship...I don't feel complete unless I have a man! These statements represent ideas convey by women who feel they need a man to define them.

In recent conversations with my girlfriends, I have come to the consensus that some women feel the need that they must have man even if that guy ranks high on the loser totem pole. Understandably, having a man and being in a fulfilling relationship is a great thing but to what extent do we achieve this?

In my opinion a man should in no form or fashion define who we are as women. To add insult to injury society puts a lot of emphasis on women who are either married, engaged or in a relationship! To be single is almost taboo! When we are without a a man... do we become less that or amount to nothing! A resounding no! We are beautiful, smart,caring and exquisite beings! We don't want to settle and fall for the first loser just to appease that need to be with someone. Men should add to us and be an asset instead of a liability. Lets find out our true worth so we can be the best and have the best cause that's what we truly deserve.Here are some key symptoms of "he defines me syndrome"

1. When you change plans quick and when he wants to see you.

2. We sit and control our schedule around theirs.

3. When they in a bad mood..we are in one too and everyone around us feel the effects

4. Loss of independence...we start living their lives.

5. We subject and compromised ourselves to be their light switch and yo yo..

6. We look at our phones every two seconds to hope we have a text....

Do you have " he defines me syndrome"?

Guest Blogger Fridays