WHO can I SUE?

"My girl said I should sue my barber.
She's trippin like my edge aint fresh.
Do you think I can get waves?"

America has become a nation of sue happy people. There are dozens of websites and lawyer referral services that promise to hook up Americans with lawyers who will take their grievances to court. Hotlines are available 24/7 and some offer free consultations regarding whether you have a case worth fighting for. How preposterous has it gotten? People have sued McDonald's for not warning them that the coffee was hot. 


Who does Belvedere want to sue?

I wanna sue the very first boy who handed me a "do you like me yes or no" note. I checked yes and he knew he wasnt ready for a commitment. He missed 2 lunch dates and failed to give me his french fries on Friday. He caused so much emotional anguish I didnt ride my bike for 3 days...and then LeeJohn passed me a note and it was on to the next one.

I wanna sue DISNEY for selling me the dreams of fairy tales & making me believe everyone lives happily ever after. What Disney failed to consider was that people like Alicia Keys & Gabrielle Union will court your man & snatch him up while your relationship is vulnerable. Imagine if Snow White's Prince charming met Superhead on his way to save her with his magical kiss. Snow White would still be sleeping and Prince Charming would be laid out with his kids somewhere in a napkin.

I wanna sue Myspace Tom for allowing his social network to fall off so quickly. It is because of this that Facebook has become regular stomping grounds for coonery and ignant comments. When I signed up for Facebook, it was a place for college students around the country to connect. Then it was opened up to everyone 18 and older. Then it was opened up to EVERYONE. I experience emotional distress caused by logging on to see how Cocoa Itookyourman Jones is upset that Potpurri SmellsLikeStrawberries Brown wont stop playing on her phone.

Who does Southern Comfort want to sue?

I wanna sue the DC METRO for all the back-pay they owe me. No one warned me when I swiped my Smartrip Card at the Greenbelt Station heading to Friendship Heights that it would cost me the equivalent of a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger Value Meal from Wendy’s with a Chocolate Frosty on the side, just going one-way. Someone could have given me a heads up that I would constantly be late for work because some tourist decides to try the metro during rush hour and gets motion sickness causing the trains to be delayed, only to leave me stuck on the one train that doesn’t have AC, next to the person who wants to cough without covering their mouth, while trying to navigate a place to hold on to because Jonathan wants to lean his entire body on the pole while reading his Kindle.

I would also like to sue all HBCU’s for promising me a top of the line education from some of the most prestigious higher learning institutions in the land. What they failed to share was that the majority of the administration is made up of old frat brothas, relatives, and friends of the family, who lack the ability to change, have a good attitude, or answer the simplest of questions. They could have sent a letter or something informing me that I would never receive my financial aid on time; that phone calls, voicemails, and faxes don’t get answered or checked; or that the first person I go to that should be able to help me with my problem will most likely not be able to help me. I’m just saying…I may have at least applied to some other institutions as a back-up.

We're here to give the people what they want. If you could sue anyone who would you sue? Would you join with Belvedere and/or Southern Comfort in their cases?

Posted by Belvedere & Southern Comfort

EPIC FAIL: 5 approaches that will guarantee a "HELL NO"

YOU thought wrong. This aint what you want!

When a man approaches a woman who is a complete stranger its like learning how to Dougie to someone else's beat. Its awkward for everyone involved. The coolest cats can come off like Steve Urkel with pie on his face if their approach is wrong. While I admit women are a versatile and unpredictable people, as a member of said people I am risking my trump card by sharing my knowledge.

Some of it is our fault. We send mixed signals about our moods and its difficult to read our emotions. We say no when we mean yes and we say yes just to get you to shut up. We see spanx & push up bras as tools to get your attention risking your disappointment if we decide to let you see us naked. We say everything is fine when really we are working out our plan to become the next Lorena Bobbit. Blood on the dancefloor. Regardless of what she is thinking or what kind of mood a woman is in, Belvedere is here to tell you 5 situations that will GUARANTEE a hell no from a decent woman. Strap up your vests and straight jackets, bullets and Louie bags are about to fly. Matrix.

1. Follow her (no twitter). This means in the mall, in your car, on a bus, on a train, on a boat or to hell. Dont ever follow a woman into a dark alley while she is walking alone. Dont ever follow a woman in your car while you sit on the passenger side and try to get her number. Do not follow her down the aisles of the grocery store. If she does not seem interested following her will not change her mind. She will think you are creepy. She might call the police and tell them she felt her life was threatened. Charges filed.

2. Jump in her walking path. If you see something about a woman that interests you, it shows a lack of experience and tact  if you must resort to interrupting her path. Not on a train. Not on a boat. Not on a plane. Not in a box. Not on a sidewalk. Not on a bus. Logic: Obviously she is in motion because she has something to do. If she walking, her legs are helping her to get somewhere that ranges from the lavatory to an important meeting. It behooves you not to interrupt her mission. Failure to abide by this rule will result in her elbow meeting your belly and a possible mist of pepper spray. IT wont be pretty.

3. Stand with a group of men outside of a club and yell sexual innuendos. Matter of fact, dont yell anything at her unless its dark and the lights are off. Its best if you stand alone and whisper your compliments. Standing in a group is the worst approach ever. Your success rate will be low even among bottomfeeders. Why? We think you have a bet going and many of us refuse to help you win. Why? Because we dont want to get with you because of some stupid bet. We know its not genuine. Who wants to be the subject of some stupid bet? See generally, The Wood. Don't ask who's is it. Not yours. No mackin. No hangin.

4. Wear Filthy Kicks/skuffed hard bottoms. You can tell a lot about a man from the way he keeps his shoes. If he doesnt bother to keep them clean, it will make us wonder what else you dont keep clean. There are exceptions to this rule, including things like I just stopped by (insert place here) after leaving work and I havent been home to change yet. Never under any circumstances should you wear your Sunday best and finish it off with dirty kicks. We're judging you. Even the Geico caveman knows better. 

5. GRAB/PULL on her. Women are very particular about our personal space. If for any reason you cannot get her attention, you may make the judgment call to move closer. Do not pull her weave hair, grab her elbow or tugg at her hand. If you MUST touch her, a gentle touch to get her attention is all that is required. To strike a perfect balance, softly caress her with your fingertips and then wait to make eye contact. If she stops and smiles you have a chance. If she rolls her eyes and walks away *bullet sound* you've been shot down. Do not pass go. Give me $200.

Please note: I'd be remiss if I didnt acknolwedge how women make exceptions for people like Idris Elba. That brotha could interrupt my path, yell at me outside of a club, pull my hair and violate the rest of the rules and he would STILL get my number. I feel you judging me. His sweetness is the source of my hypocrisy. Either become Idris Elba, play by the rules or get a HELL NO.

Belvedere is a smart cookie but she feels like she missed something. Yes she is speaking of herself in the third person. Kanye. Ladies what approaches guarantee a HELL NO? Fellas what approaches have resulted in a HELL NO? Remember you may choose to post anonymously just in case we know you. Do share....

Posted by Belvedere

Staying In Touch

I’m sure most of us have gone through the experience of getting over an ex. Occasionally, a break up is long over due, and time spent mourning the loss of the relationship is minimal; the desire to stay in touch is non-existent. But often the post break up process is just that: a process. It involves a mix of emotions that fluctuate from minute to minute, one moment you’re glad to be rid of your former mate and excited to go out and party as a single man/woman, the next moment you’re sad and/or lonely. “Staying friends” can often pro long the process. I’ve observed that when exes decide to remain friends, a lot of the expectations that were put in place during the relationship remain after it ends. Thus, comes the inevitable feeling of disappointment each ex-partner feels when their former significant other fails to live up to those expectations. Fails to return phone calls, fails to make time for those coffee/lunch dates set up so that former couples can “catch up.”


However, the pact to remain friends is often inevitable. Most people will advise former partners to end all contact with their exes(often sound advice), but lets be real, most former couples stay in touch or at least try to, especially given that most couples begin their relationships as friends. So then comes the complicated part of staying in touch. Navigating the line between too much contact, so that you’re unable to actually get over the former relationship, and no contact, leading to the loss of a friend. Since I make no claims of being a relationship expert, I’m opening the floor up to the readers of This Woman’s Work. Do you have any guidelines you follow when communicating with an ex after your relationship ends? Have any of you actually adhered to the rule that you must cut all ties to actually move on? How much communication is too much?

 
 
 
posted by
Bourgeois

The Necessity of Cheating

Our society has programmed us to constantly want more. Nothing is ever good enough. First it was the cars that can magically park themselves. Then there were the crackberrys and iwillneverneedtobyanotherphone, because using a laptop or pc has become taboo. And let’s not forget the Snuggie, because I guess it was too much to ask to pull the covers back and grab the remote controller. SMH. There is always someone out there planning, plotting and scheming to create the next best thing. It’s all about convenience. How to get in and out with the least amount of complications.

There is always the necessity to discover new sources and outlets of satisfaction. Due to one’s inability to contain these inner wants many people sustain these needs through infidelity. While we have an excellent relationship at home, we cheat just to “verify” that fact or we cheat to make sure that we got the best product on the market. Belvedere’s article “Interview With a Female Cheater,” showcases that at the end of the day a woman is just as capable as a man to get what she wants when and how she wants it.

After reading Belvedere’s article it caused me to take a moment and ask myself…what is it that people get out of cheating besides their own selfish fulfillment. I even had one of my girlfriends provide me with her 5 rules to remember if you want to be a successful cheater:

1. Don’t cheat in the inner circle.

2. Never get too comfortable.

3. Take time away from cheating, so that he never suspects a thing.

4. Always keep a ni**a, a man, and a backup plan.

5. Make it worthwhile, so if you ever get caught you have no regrets.

But at the end of the day, what did all of this mean? Why Cheat? Why not just be single and free to spread your wings? Why risk the chance of getting caught and causing that “good girl/guy” to turn bad?

But after talking to a close friend, I was given another outlook on the necessity of cheating. It was simply put in the form of a question…

“Does cheating help or hurt, by opening your eyes to what you really have at home?”

Is it possible that cheating can help one realize that there’s no place like home OR could cheating be the straw that breaks the camel’s back by showing you that home is not where the heart is??

I'm all about Black Love...so why risk it all??? I've always lived by the 80-20 Rule. Never sacrifice your 80% at home for 20% in the street. So, what do you think TWW followers...is cheating a necessity??

Sharing is Caring…Keep It Real Family.

Posted By: Southern Comfort

Ventalation Issues?!?

As we all know relationships can be tough, all the drama and heartache can drive you crazy if you don't vent to someone. The problem that many people run into is that they chose the wrong people to vent to, about their relationship issues. Others share information that they should really only share with their partner. I have been someone who shared a lot about my relationship woes, but I quickly learned that some people should not be privy to certain problems. So good people of TWW, here is a a guide to choosing that venting partner and why sharing is not always caring regarding relationships:

Rule # 1: Although you can rely on your family to have your back for any problem you face in life, this protective instinct is precisely why family members are not ideal for venting. Once you share a flaw about your partner to a family member they will hold on to that mess for life and all of a sudden they have a great dislike for your boo. Although it seems nice that they agree that you are right to feel the way you feel at the moment, once you get over and move on from this issue with your boo; your family member most likely won't.
If you see a future with your partner, that goes past boyfriend and girlfriend your gonna have to play catch up in convincing your family that your partner is the one.

Rule # 2: Don't forget that venting about the bad stuff is not the only kind of venting. When you constantly talk to our friends about how trifling your man is and how he never considers your feelings, they will get tired of listening. I know its not just me... but if a person has nothing good to say about their partner, I start to wonder why you continue with the relationship. If every other week you are having a problem within your relationship and you are blowing up my phone to vent, eventually it seems like you're not only wasting your time but you're also wasting mine. I'm just saying...maybe you should at least mix it up and comment on how happy you were that your man picked up the check this week at red lobster.

Rule # 3: When choosing a venting partner stay away from friends who never have a positive thing to say about men. Nothing ruins a perfectly normal relationship quicker than a Bitter Betty whispering in the ear of your partner. It's normal for couples to have disagreements and arguments..but trust that a small argument can be turned into the biggest issue as to why all men are the devil; as told by a bitter friend.
Case in point:
Girl in Relationship: Hey my bf left the milk out last night..ahh that drives me crazy
Friend: Wow I wouldn't put up with that mess... He doesn't respect your money. What he think you got a cow in the back yard? If he had bought that milk trust that it would be refrigerated...you need a real man that will respect that you are a hard working, strong and independent woman.

ummm..yeah
Rule # 4: Stay away from friends who are just a little too positive about your man and not your relationship with that man. If your friend is constantly asking about the negatives about your relationship and can go on and on in conversation about your relationship problems, but has nothing to say when you express how great things are in your relationship that's a problem. A venting partner should be able to show genuine joy for you when things in your relationship are going well and complete understanding when you need to shed a tear or two.

I know I missed a few..share what you think is essential in a venting partner or why and how you chose your venting buddy.

  Posted by Straight Shooter

Where You At?

Okay... picture this:  so you want to have a girls night out and you call up your regular 4 girls, except girl number 3 is in a new relationship and has been MIA. I have been trying to be understanding of my bff and her new found love...BUT how long should I put up with this...ahhh...so here is what I have been thinking:

Why would a friend start disappearing because she has a new man? Shouldn't I be one of the first people to get all the juicy details.  Instead all I get is her voicemail...voicemail people!  I don't appreciate being avoided.  As a friend this is the time where we should be sharing in the excitement.  However, we have started to grow apart because she thinks that I can be placed on the back burner for someone she just met.  Sorry to say this, but he's probably not going to be there in six months.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to block on your new relationship but our relationship should not suffer. So fast forward six months when he's no longer in the picture.  Should I still be in the picture?

Ok to stay on the side of a supportive friend and not a sour puss..let me just say...I understand that when someone is newly in love they want to be around that person..it's natural and whatever...believe me I get it. I have given her what I believe to the appropriate amount of new boo lovin time (2 weeks); but  it's time to reconnect with your friends. What happens when you want vent about this new romance? Who are you going to talk to when you guys have your first fight? or when he starts to get on your last nerve?

 So dear friends, don't alienate your bff's when you meet that special someone...well you can but don't expect them to be there when things go south. 

P.S: I miss my buddy..lets hope she comes up for air soon

So TWW world have you experienced a friend ditching you for a new boo? how did you cope with the separation anxiety?..let me know

Guest Blogger Fridays

- Post Written By Sistren

Dont have a cow! Not when you can get the milk for free!

"Whats that?"
"Its Cambodian breast milk & its for sale"

Disclaimer: No 2 relationships are the same. I do not intend to generalize relationships nor do I claim to provide a cure-all for all relationships. This is no "magic" answer to any issue that plagues our relationships. Like a pole in the basement, Belvedere does this for entertainment. Moving right along...

Why wont he commit? This is a question women have ravaged our brains about since the Geico caveman discovered insurance. 

Well ladies have you ever heard the phrase "Why BUY THE COW when I can get the milk for free"? Or "Why BUY THE COW when the milk is so cheap"? 

There are a few other ways to say it: 

*Why BUY a car, if I can just DRIVE it and put a little gas in it every now and then? 

*Why BUY A CAR if I can drive it around the block a few times and never have to sign any papers to take it home?
*Why buy the whole pig just for a little bit of sausage? (I'm looking at you fellas) 

Regardless of how you move the words around, it all means the same thing. Why should a man choose to make a long term investment in you when he can see the benefits right now? Why enter a monogamous committed relationship when you will continue to have sex with him without it?

We are the cow and the milk represents the benefits you get when the cow is well taken care of. Cows require feed, nurturing, cleaning, protection, seeing her through sick times and special attention. Although I dare not compare a woman to a cow, the way to reap the full benefits of a woman is to feed her ego, nurture her pride, protect her from harm and give her special attention unsolicited-among other things.

Here's the skinny: men do not commit because we do not demand it!  If a man can enjoy all the luxuries of being your "hubby" without a commitment, quality time or monogamy why should he change that? Did she just say that? Yea she just said that.

Allow Belvedere to tell you a few things about FAKE vs REAL men:

FAKE men thrive on the predator-prey relationship. They see women as prey which translates into tactics that focus on the weak and injured. They stay away from strong women and the apples on the top of the tree because they require too much work. Further, because they deal with weak women it is easier for them to control the direction of the relationship.

A REAL man thinks with his ego. He thrives knowing he has a strong woman. He wants a trophy on his arm and he finds satisfaction in knowing he put in work to get her to stay with him.  He may have dabbled in weaker women before but he has realized the power of having a strong woman made to love him. He respects her substance and her opinion and his relationships represent compromise not domination. 

Sidenote: Belvedere is still a young tenderoni but in her lifetime it seems that girls have become so loose. So promiscuous. So easy. So willing to satisfy every man who tells her she is beautiful. So ready to risk AIDS, HIV, syphilis, herpes, and a host of other sexual disease. So willing to put themselves in a position to kill babies in their womb. Whats going on?
Think about it, if he can get in your panties before he knows your favorite color why should he care that you like purple?  If you give it up before he knows about your endeavors with school why the hell should he care that you have a final tomorrow?
Ladies, we have to take responsibility for how we are treated. You cook, clean, swing from chandeliers and do his laundry WITHOUT a commitment. You  sacrifice so much of yourself but still allow him to treat you like a red headed child in a black family: "you dont belong." If you allow such things to happen, you must not get upset when he backs off from your requests for a commitment. Why should he? Dont think for one second that you are "different" and the relationship will go any different because you Michael Jackson bad. Hold yourself accountable for your situation. If you give up the goods before asking for a commitment, you set yourself up for the okie doke. Soap on a rope.

Bottom line: Dont just imply what you want, demand it! If you dont want to have sex before he commits to you then DONT DO IT! If you dont want to move in together and "play house" before you get married then DONT DO IT! Dont just deal with bs because you dont want to be alone. Set your own standards and stick to them. Dont think giving it up will make him stay. If he has decided he doesnt want to stay in the first place, you can freak him all you want but he's gonna walk away. 

Remember, if you carry yourself like a sick antelope, Mufasa is going to come after you. 

Do you think its necessary to live with your spouse before you marry them? Do you think sex is necessary to show your mate how you feel? Belvedere is listening...

 

 

 

 

Posted by Belvedere

Songs That Make You Go…

So while most women’s desire to have a soundtrack to accompany love making sessions typically wanes after they’ve actually had the experience and realized it really does nothing to enhance the act (if you’re doing it right, you’ll be too busy focusing on those tingles down there to really even notice the music), there are some songs that can immediately put any woman in the mood. When I say immediately, I mean if girl and guy are cruising in a car and one of these songs comes on, girl is probably seriously contemplating climbing over that divider mess in the center of the car to jump in guy’s lap, that is assuming said guy is relatively attractive. Just like being funny, grooming, and smelling delicious can enhance the appeal of any man for a woman, playing any one of the following songs in a woman’s presence can enhance a man’s appeal as well.


Keeping with my list making theme of late, here are the top ten songs that will make a woman w*t. The order of the list is not significant, because really, it would be an impossible feat to rank these songs from the one most likely to make a woman … um you know… just from listening, to the one least likely to accomplish that task.

1. Whenever, Wherever, Whatever – Maxwell

There is something about Maxwell. That voice, his sexiness, his swag, his je ne sais quoi. Whenever, Whatever, Whatever is everything that women love about Maxwell embodied in a song.



2. You Belong To Me – Trey Songz

Trey Songz is the new king of making songs about sex, but none of his songs will make a girl drop her panties quite as quickly as this one will.



3. Marathon – Raheem DeVaughn feat. Floetry



4. Can You Handle It – Usher



5. How Does It Feel – D’Angelo

This is one of the sexiest songs ever.



6. Last Night – Az Yet

I introduced a friend of mine to this song during our sophomore year in college. No lie she listened to this song on repeat while pleasuring herself for a good six months!



7. Speechless – Beyonce

Most men probably think women go crazy for Dangerously In Love, and we do. But no Beyonce jam puts us in the mood quite like Speechless.



8. Any Time, Any Place – Janet Jackson



9. That’s Just My Way – Eric Benet

Just listen to the lyrics and you will understand…

“Feel me, take me in slowly, so you can understand how deep my love can go …”  and that’s only the beginning. For any man who can’t understand how or why Halle fell for Eric, that song is why!



10. Teach You A Lesson – Robin Thicke

Honestly, I just wanted a Robin Thicke song on the list because pretty much every song on The Evolution of Robin Thicke made all of the black women I know want to make mixed babies with this suave R&B singing white man.

*Honorable mention: The following songs didn’t quite make my list, but they will still do the trick of putting your woman in the mood: Take You Down (Chris Brown), Say Yes (Floetry), Say It (Neyo).

What do you all think, am I way off in my observation that the right soundtrack can make a man exponentially more attractive to a woman. What about my list, did I miss any songs that you think belong up there?

~Bourgeois

Game Recognize Game: And you're lookin’ kinda unfamiliar right now

Defined: One person uses tricks or cons by twisting words and phrases to get what they want from another person, but the second person identifies the words as a trick or con, understands the deception and tells them they have been caught.

Ladies, why is it that men feel that because they played a little football or basketball back in high school or dabbled in intramural sports in college, that they are the only ones capable of recognizing a good game or solid athlete when they see one? Who do they think sat on the sidelines at every game, watching, cheering, eyeing the competition, and taking mental notes of the necessary changes to improve in the next game???

The best way to recognize game is to learn it. As a female, you should always keep one good guy friend on the team. This person will serve as your coach. He will teach you the game and all it’s in and outs. He’s the one person who will be honest and tell you when your game is a little off and what changes you need to make before becoming you're ready for your first real game. Your job is to observe and learn from the coach during his interaction with other players and coaches in order to become your own MVP.

Ladies, here are a few signs that your man is running game:

- When out on a date he is sending text messages the entire time
- He never answers the phone when you call; he always has to call you back
- The majority of you conversations are over text messages
- He can’t talk after a certain time
- You talk at the EXACT same time every night
- He won’t add you on Facebook or claims he doesn’t have one
- You’ve never actually met any of his friends
- You never go to his place, you always get a hotel
- He keeps his phone on vibrate
- He picks you up in a car that’s not his
- He only wants to go out on weekdays, even when he’s off on the weekends.

Gentleman, consider this the new game plan…here is a brief list of things you should avoid when attempting to run game on a seasoned female athlete.

- Drunk phone calls at 2am.
- Making googly eyes at another woman
- Leaving the house after midnight to run an errand
- Coming in 3 hours after all the clubs have closed
- Stepping out of the room to use your phone

These are just a few examples, but believe me there are so many more.

Feel free to pick up your controller and share your thoughts…Keep It Real Family.

Posted by: Southern Comfort

She Got It From Her Daddy

The importance of having a father/father figure in a young persons life is something that has been a topic of conversation for many years. I've always understood why it was important for young men to have a father around but I had to really sit and think why it is just as important for girls...(especially in their romantic interactions) Follow me

Protector: Although women today are growing into protector roles....there is no better feeling than knowing that your man would jump in front of traffic to save you...or hold your hand as yal run from a guy who would most likely beat the crap out of your boo.

As a girl your father shows you the strength and bravery of a man...from killing spiders, mice, and mosquito's to checking downstairs when you hear a noise in the middle of the night.

Provider: Over the years I have perfected my sad faces and puppy eyes on my dad. In fact all my best techniques to just getting my way in general comes from years of practice; basically knowing when to smile or bat an eye lash.
Please believe the ways of a woman can get a man (if he cares about you) to surrender to the wants of a woman (not a power to be used lightly). Without dear old dad some women tend to forget or just don't know that they have this skill.

Love: I've always heard that a girls first love should be her dad. A father's love is one without expectations and should demonstrate (some what) how you should be treated by a man. Although your boyfriend or husband may expect some things he should love and treat you as though he loves you because of and despite yourself.

Most Important- knowing that your man is not your father...which in turn allows you to shut him down when he tries to act the part. I'm just saying...

I'm sure I have left out something...what do you think women learn from their fathers regarding relationships?

Posted by Straight Shooter